I was thinking about something this weekend, how I think we all go through different stages in our life as far as wants and needs in relation to friendships.
There are a lot of different types of friendship: Family, husbands, girlfriends, other couples
I have noticed over the couple of years that my relationships with my siblings have grown strong and stronger and specially since my dad passed away and have turned into some of my strongest "friendships". I love that my family has become some of my closest friends. It's a huge blessing.
I have also had a really strong friendship with my husband. I mean how can I not? We have worked together 24/7 in our home.. for almost our ENTIRE marriage. Out of 17 years of marriage, we have only worked part for 3 of those years. We have always owned our business and worked out of our home. So he is definitely my best friend.
I love that I am also developing a strong friendship with my daughter ALlie as well. I didn't live with my mom growing up and while I have always had a strong relationship with her.. I missed out on that everyday mother/daughter bond, that just happens naturally when you live together. Being that ALlie is my only daughter, it's been so cool and fun to watch my friendship with her grow. She really is an amazing person.
My husband and I also have some great friends we just absolutely adore. We go out on double dates and on family trips with them and their kids. It's nice to have people who live by you that you can do things with for just mere fun. We consider them family really. And though we don't get to do something every weekend or sometimes don't talk for weeks.. we have an amazing friendship with them and it's just what we need.
But really what I wanted to talk about was my friendships outside of my family. I have also noticed that over the last couple of years I have seen myself becoming more of a home body and not the "outgoing" party girl I used to be. I say Party girl (which I don't drink or go to bars or dance clubs).. and in the "worldly" sense I know what that refers too, but what I am referring to is that I used to be the one in the neighborhood who called all the other moms at 9:00 PM and said.. HEY! Lets' go to a movie! or go get something to eat.. (not literally party girl.. just the fun girl). I mean I did like almost 2 or 3 nights a week! I loved to do shopping trips with friends or just go to the mall or meet up for lunch. I was super outgoing and always wanted to be out doing something.
But lately, I have just really realized how my needs for things like that have changed. I love staying in, I love being with my kids, with my husband. I work all day at home, and at night I just like to veg, recoup or even just have quiet time! I love going to barnes and Noble with Allie or by myself. No need for interaction And I wonder is that bad? I have some really REALLY strong friendship with a few friends that live far away and few that live close and while we don't talk on the phone everyday or even text or email. I have this close bond with them. YOu know? This unspoken true friendship. I call them my True's.
To me that means a lot of things. To me that means that they love me no matter what, that they don't judge me if I make mistakes but they do tell me when I do. It means that I can tell them ANYTHING and they can give me honest, true advice, good or bad and I will take it to heart. It means I can go 3 weeks without sending them an email or text or posting on their facebook wall (or them to me)and they still know I love them and they aren't mad or upset or wondering if something is wrong between us because I haven't.
It means security and safety and love. It means that they can trust ME with anything. and I have noticed it is EXACTLY what I need right now. It's funny how when our needs change, that those needs to just seemed to be filled? Right?
I feel bad actually that I am not that same outgoing person I was a few years ago, I mean don't get me wrong, I still love to go out, I am still the goofy one when we get together, but it's just not as often and I am okay with it. I don't feel a need for it. I don't need to have that interaction on a daily basis.. and I used to wonder.. if that was bad? or if something was wrong with me? ANd I don't think it is. I think we all need different things at different points in our life and it's okay for those needs to change. It's hard sometimes when needs change for you and not someone else who you are close too, because it's hard for either you or them to understand that change. It's like this: I care about my friends no matter what.. no matter HOW Much OR HOW Little time I spend with them. I can go 6 months without talking to someone or seeing them and when we do, it's just as if we hadn't ever been apart. And I am okay with that. I understand that. But that doesn't mean it is always understood on both ends. Its a hard change or transition to get through. But I think we can only do what we can do. Is that a bad thing? I dont know? I don't think so. I think it's great when people have friendships where they get together everyday, or call each other everyday.. it's amazing! I love it. I admire it! I think it's absolutely wonderful. But I don't have that same need and I used to think I was a poor friend because of it. That I was a bad friend. but I have realized over the last few months, that I'm not.I I just have different needs and my true's, the ones who love me no matter what, know that and get that. and it's okay. They love me no matter what.
No matter what stage of life we are in.. I think it's exactly where we should be. And we will find friendships that fill those needs. We may loose some on the way too, which is hard. SO hard because you love those, but their needs will be met by other wonderful people who are met to be in THEIR life at that time as well. I love that I have those people in my life right now that I DO need, that get me for me. and allow me to be myself. I love it. It's a blessing. Always a blessing. and it's not coincidence. I never believe in chance. I know everything happens for a reason. just wanted to share that.
Hope you have some true's in your life. I am so greatful for mine.