I was thinking about something this weekend, how I think we all go through different stages in our life as far as wants and needs in relation to friendships.
There are a lot of different types of friendship: Family, husbands, girlfriends, other couples
I have noticed over the couple of years that my relationships with my siblings have grown strong and stronger and specially since my dad passed away and have turned into some of my strongest "friendships". I love that my family has become some of my closest friends. It's a huge blessing.
I have also had a really strong friendship with my husband. I mean how can I not? We have worked together 24/7 in our home.. for almost our ENTIRE marriage. Out of 17 years of marriage, we have only worked part for 3 of those years. We have always owned our business and worked out of our home. So he is definitely my best friend.
I love that I am also developing a strong friendship with my daughter ALlie as well. I didn't live with my mom growing up and while I have always had a strong relationship with her.. I missed out on that everyday mother/daughter bond, that just happens naturally when you live together. Being that ALlie is my only daughter, it's been so cool and fun to watch my friendship with her grow. She really is an amazing person.
My husband and I also have some great friends we just absolutely adore. We go out on double dates and on family trips with them and their kids. It's nice to have people who live by you that you can do things with for just mere fun. We consider them family really. And though we don't get to do something every weekend or sometimes don't talk for weeks.. we have an amazing friendship with them and it's just what we need.
But really what I wanted to talk about was my friendships outside of my family. I have also noticed that over the last couple of years I have seen myself becoming more of a home body and not the "outgoing" party girl I used to be. I say Party girl (which I don't drink or go to bars or dance clubs).. and in the "worldly" sense I know what that refers too, but what I am referring to is that I used to be the one in the neighborhood who called all the other moms at 9:00 PM and said.. HEY! Lets' go to a movie! or go get something to eat.. (not literally party girl.. just the fun girl). I mean I did like almost 2 or 3 nights a week! I loved to do shopping trips with friends or just go to the mall or meet up for lunch. I was super outgoing and always wanted to be out doing something.
But lately, I have just really realized how my needs for things like that have changed. I love staying in, I love being with my kids, with my husband. I work all day at home, and at night I just like to veg, recoup or even just have quiet time! I love going to barnes and Noble with Allie or by myself. No need for interaction And I wonder is that bad? I have some really REALLY strong friendship with a few friends that live far away and few that live close and while we don't talk on the phone everyday or even text or email. I have this close bond with them. YOu know? This unspoken true friendship. I call them my True's.
To me that means a lot of things. To me that means that they love me no matter what, that they don't judge me if I make mistakes but they do tell me when I do. It means that I can tell them ANYTHING and they can give me honest, true advice, good or bad and I will take it to heart. It means I can go 3 weeks without sending them an email or text or posting on their facebook wall (or them to me)and they still know I love them and they aren't mad or upset or wondering if something is wrong between us because I haven't.
It means security and safety and love. It means that they can trust ME with anything. and I have noticed it is EXACTLY what I need right now. It's funny how when our needs change, that those needs to just seemed to be filled? Right?
I feel bad actually that I am not that same outgoing person I was a few years ago, I mean don't get me wrong, I still love to go out, I am still the goofy one when we get together, but it's just not as often and I am okay with it. I don't feel a need for it. I don't need to have that interaction on a daily basis.. and I used to wonder.. if that was bad? or if something was wrong with me? ANd I don't think it is. I think we all need different things at different points in our life and it's okay for those needs to change. It's hard sometimes when needs change for you and not someone else who you are close too, because it's hard for either you or them to understand that change. It's like this: I care about my friends no matter what.. no matter HOW Much OR HOW Little time I spend with them. I can go 6 months without talking to someone or seeing them and when we do, it's just as if we hadn't ever been apart. And I am okay with that. I understand that. But that doesn't mean it is always understood on both ends. Its a hard change or transition to get through. But I think we can only do what we can do. Is that a bad thing? I dont know? I don't think so. I think it's great when people have friendships where they get together everyday, or call each other everyday.. it's amazing! I love it. I admire it! I think it's absolutely wonderful. But I don't have that same need and I used to think I was a poor friend because of it. That I was a bad friend. but I have realized over the last few months, that I'm not.I I just have different needs and my true's, the ones who love me no matter what, know that and get that. and it's okay. They love me no matter what.
No matter what stage of life we are in.. I think it's exactly where we should be. And we will find friendships that fill those needs. We may loose some on the way too, which is hard. SO hard because you love those, but their needs will be met by other wonderful people who are met to be in THEIR life at that time as well. I love that I have those people in my life right now that I DO need, that get me for me. and allow me to be myself. I love it. It's a blessing. Always a blessing. and it's not coincidence. I never believe in chance. I know everything happens for a reason. just wanted to share that.
Hope you have some true's in your life. I am so greatful for mine.
Aww, Christy, this was so very true. I had some ups and downs with friendships this past year due to these very same reasons. I didn't realize the extent until I went through SR and started adding some back in. I am lucky enough to have some Trues in my life also .... but it's not a "numbers" thing anymore ... it's definitely a quality thing and a true pure love between very few. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Ann Marie | March 15, 2011 at 11:47 AM
I think you are my long lost sister that was seperated at birth... Haha, just kidding but really, In a lot of what you are saying I can relate. I am not married yet and do not have kids yet, but I too was the party girl, and for me i think it was a stage, and as I have gotten older I realise that my family (mom,dad,sister, niece and nephew) are becomeing closer and closer and I love that. And I have soul friends. We dont talk everyday, but we know that if any of us needs something the other will be there in an instant and there is a warmth that comes when someone loves you unconditionally.
I absolutely adore everything you put in this post and agree 100%. And I also loved your workdhop!!!!!!! YOU ROCK GIRL!!!!!! My only request is that you come up with another one real soon!!!!!!!
Posted by: Jamila Jones (jajones_3d) | March 15, 2011 at 11:52 AM
You are so right..People in general grow and change like the Seasons. God always puts people in our lives for a reason. We could not grow and learn to be who God has called us to be without them!!
I have been working on my frist She Art girl!! Can't wait to show you!!
Posted by: Kim Boken | March 15, 2011 at 12:29 PM
Friendships come and go - but Trues - well Trues are for life - they are the ones who walk in when everyone else walks out. They laugh with you and at you - and thats OK - they love you for who you are and not what you could be - I love my Trues with all of my heart and am so blessed to have them in my life.
Posted by: Tracie H | March 15, 2011 at 12:53 PM
I use to be the "party girl" too. But I lik to stay home now. I think it because my kids are all in school and I want to be home with them as much as possible as much as you can with teenagers. I still love to go out and be that crazy fun girl. I am also lucky to have those trues.
Posted by: Jenny nielson | March 15, 2011 at 01:13 PM
love :)
I am so similar to you {and I know I keep saying this, but it's truer with every post}.
I think you're doing everything just right Christy :)
Posted by: the messy nest - Jen Osborn | March 15, 2011 at 02:26 PM
I may have to borrow your word for those special friends. I love my "Trues" and there really is no relationship that compares or competes with the realtionships with those true friends.
Posted by: Debby Ebeling | March 15, 2011 at 02:57 PM
I need to print this out and hand it out to everyone I know....I will say "Read This" and you will understand me better:-) I love you and it is my joy that you are one of "trues" too!! Love you!!!
Posted by: Jeanne | March 15, 2011 at 03:54 PM
Can I borrow the word "True"? My friend Cheryl is my True she doesn't live close but when I see her or talk to her I know we get each other. Friends or so called friends lately come around full force speak on their pedistalls about God and how wonderful they are and then disapear because they sucked you dry of emotion and feelings. Not to mention the money lent...given away. But the point is under the bad weeds grow beautiful flowers our "Trues"!Thank you for this amazing post! Hugs Grace OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Posted by: Grace P | March 15, 2011 at 05:00 PM
The 'good book' says there is 'a season for every purpose under heaven'...so I like to think that what you shared is 'God ordained' since we all seem to go through the same thing...
And don't forget you have your student 'friends'...I'm so glad to call you mine.
Posted by: Sher Mattison | March 15, 2011 at 05:48 PM
love you true...love you...
Posted by: margie | March 15, 2011 at 05:59 PM
can i just say i absolutely *adore* you and what you stand for dear girl!! you and jeanne are the most inspiring girls i {know}...SO hoping one day to meet up with you and tell you in person what your workshop has meant to me!!
XO
kristin
Posted by: kristin | March 15, 2011 at 06:31 PM
Love you sweet, sweet friend. You make my heart so happy. Truly.
Posted by: Julie Parmer Hosley | March 15, 2011 at 07:02 PM
ooxx
i am blessed enough to have some "true's"....and am forever grateful.
this post spoke straight to my heart.
i do believe my truest of true's are my husband and children and of course my relationship with God.
sending you love
k
Posted by: kolleen | March 15, 2011 at 07:05 PM
p.s.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the photo of you and Allie!!
Posted by: Julie Parmer Hosley | March 15, 2011 at 07:06 PM
Thank you for being so open and sharing. It gave me a gentle reminder of my trues, who have all passed over. I call them Soulfriends.
Posted by: Dianne | March 15, 2011 at 07:45 PM
I am glad I am not the only person that feels the way you do. I use to like bring out with my friends and always on the go, but now I'd be cool not to the leave the house. My husband doesn't understand the friendship I have with three very special girls. One girls we text more than we call and do gr together at least once a month, the other girl I see at Inspired in May and if were lucky once in the summer, but when we get together it's as we saw each other the day before. My last and dear friend I have never met in person. We send really long winded emails and keep in touch on FB and we met on Etsy. I have that true special bond with these three beautiful women.
Posted by: Erika Davison | March 15, 2011 at 08:05 PM
I appreciate you sharing this. I have often thought that I was abnormal because I was content raising my Family & not making a humongous effort on the Friend front. I think you are Amazing & you Inspire me in so many ways. I Love that You & Ben have such a wonderful Friendship & can work together & be together 24/7...that is a very Rare gem. I don't think Friendships should take a lot of work. I know they need Love & nurturing...BUT if they don't come easy with little or No Drama than really is that what we need to Focus our precious spare time & energy on!?! You always manage to give me a super clear new perspective on exactly what I need. Thank You For always staying True to yourself!!! I Sure love You Gorgeous Girlie!
xoxoxo
Posted by: Lori Smith | March 15, 2011 at 08:29 PM
You got it Christy !! I like the quote that ties right into this..."People come into our lives for a reason or a season" At almost 54... I have seen many seasons and know why each person came into my life. I am blessed by your words. IT is so very true. Our TRUES just get us !! I know you came into my life for a reason. You gave me wings Christy. You and your art have lifted me out of my grief and set me flying !!! xoxoxoxox...Kristy
Posted by: Kristy T. | March 15, 2011 at 09:07 PM
Christy, I love the thoughts in this post. The older we get, the more meaning this has. You are richly blessed to have family and such good friends around you.
Posted by: Jane Hakes | March 16, 2011 at 03:35 AM
Thank you, Christy. You have just written my life's story. As you get older, you appreciate the "trues" more and more.
Posted by: Dorothy F | March 16, 2011 at 07:45 AM
Christy, I'm exactly like you - I've been wondering lately if I stay home too much and work on my projects when I should be out there 'having lunch' with friends, etc. I'm older than you, and believe me, I've done all that in the past. This is a time in my life I'm loving because I get to do what I want to do. So freeing and so much fun. This class has been the best I've ever taken online. I've loved it so much! You are a thoughtful and very kind person, and I've learned so much from you. Not only artsy things, but living things, too. Thank you so much, Christy!
Posted by: Claudia Small | March 16, 2011 at 08:52 AM
Loved your post...your very lucky! Great pics of you too, your so cute! A comp in a gf way not a weird way..kwim? LOL
Posted by: Laura-Lee | March 16, 2011 at 05:56 PM
Christy,
you have not only your "trues" and your friends, but a plethora of us out here who think you are amazing-- Who are what we are today BECAUSE we "met" you, whether online or IRL. Your workshop, right on the heels of Soul Restoration 1 was such a great tandem experience, and really allowed us to see two amazing women really give to others. Thank you, as always, for being you and being brave enough to share her with the world. The world needs you, an your art.
Posted by: whispersandwishes | March 16, 2011 at 06:02 PM
Christy, Oh how I relate to this post. I have had friends that have come and gone, met new friends and then the ebb and flow starts again. Right now in my life I don't have a friend that I get together with on a frequent basis. My TRUE best friend is my husband of 23 years and I enjoy that he will always be there for me. I have been deeply hurt by 'a best friend' and right now in my life I like being me and staying home. My husband is the same and some days we just want to be in our house together and I think that is amazing. To feel comfortable in the skin you are in at that time in your life is something to cherish. Not many people ever get that feeling. I am enjoying being me! I am also enjoying your workshop and can't wait for the next one. Thanks for the post and keep on doing what you are doing because it is awesome.
Posted by: Becky H | March 17, 2011 at 09:38 AM