Do not go to the grocery store hungry... it will be just fine.

Warning: this is VERY long, Very personal and there are no pretty pictures! :) continue at your own risk! Lol

So have you have heard of that rule before? to NOT go to the store hungry? Well it's a common theme in our home.. because when Ben and I go to the grocery store hungry.. we end up buying way more than we need or want.. and go home and have of the food  that usually crappy and not healthy for us and gets wasted and thrown away anyway.

that's how I feel today. Am I hungry? no.. but I should probably stay away from anything that requires rational thought (maybe writing this post is one of them! lol)

I have a disease. Fibromyalgia. I know you have heard me say it before.. but today.. its being a pain in my side. and I am emotional and frustrated and tired and frustrated.. did I mention frustrated?

Last August, after my dad died.. I noticed that I was having a lot of weird pains.. like at night, when I slept, I would wake up in pain because I had been sleeping with my legs bents or arms folded around myself. It was weird, I figured old age ( was turning 36 after-all).. so I didn't think anything of it. Well a few weeks later, I woke up with a really kinked neck and my back thrown out.. so headed to my doctor to see if he could give me pain meds for it as this was like the fourth time in a 6 week period my back was out and neck was kinked.

After a few simple blood tests and some question he said" I think you have fibromyalgia". I was like.. what? I have seen commercials for that.. but um no. I do not have it. My neck is just sore!" He continued to tell me the symptoms of it and then prescribedme some medication that was normally for "anxiety" but was supposed to help with pain for people with fibromyalgia and prescribed me a non-narcotic pain medication to take when I had "flair" ups.. and sent me on my way. He told me to report back in 2 weeks to see how I was doing. Yeah right.

We walked out of the doctors office and I told my husband my doctor was crazy. I was just getting old and had a kinked neck. I threw the prescription away for the anxiety pills and filled the other. Well flash-forward 2 months. October. I was still having minor issues with waking up in pain if I slept with my legs or arms bent.. but that's life right? So I would sleep on my back with my arms tucked inside my pj pants.. so they wouldn't "bend" at night and sleep that way all night and wake up just fine! I had cured my problem! lol

Well October here in Eastern Idaho is colder.. rainy and sometimes snow. It's the start of winter (we don't really have fall here). In October I  also had a really busy traveling schedule.  At the first of the month, I  drove 7 hours to Mcall, Idaho. to Brave Girls Camp (as art/ soul retreat), to be a  volunteer staff member.. had a GREAT time!  However we didn't sleep much and as staff member I  usually had my first shift at 6:00 AM and my last shift at 11:00. We were working all day long.. helping fix food, cleaning bathrooms, changing linens, doing kitchen clean up or laundry. I LOVED it actually. LOVED serving the women that were there to heal. But by the last day.. I was DONE. My body had had enough. After we sent all the wonderful women on their way home.. we still had to take down and pack up a 5000 sq foot cabin. As Melody takes all her own things to the cabin to transform it into this wonderful magical safe place. I had the simple task of taking down all "brave girl" bedding and putting back the bedding that was normally on the beds. I also had to take down christmas lights and ribbons and decoration and pack them up. I was fine at first.. but an hour into it.. I could tell something was definitely wrong. I mean WRONG WRONG. I was in so much pain.. and not just physical pain.. I was emotional and frustrated. Because I couldn't figure out where the pain was coming from and why. It felt like a flu.. but not a flu?  And I still had to finish my part of the house and then drive 7 hours home! Well I made it through.. I mean I made it through getting my part done.. but then only made it 2 hours into my drive home, when I ultimately decided to stop at Melody's house and spend the night because I just hurt to bad.  Well the next day I woke up just fine. So went on my way. Must have been the flu?

Flash-forward the next weekend.. my Grandmother had died and I was flying to San Diego for her funeral. I had only been home 4 days and now was leaving again. The flight was okay.. except by the time I arrived my legs were in so much pain from being bent, I wanted to cry! It was only a 2 hour flight.. so what the heck?  By the end of the weekend.. I was even in more pain.. the humid, rainy weather seemed to be making my pain worse and by the flight home, I just wanted someone to knock ME OUT! lol

I came home and slept for 2 days.  So flash-forward to the NEXT weekend.. for some reason, Ben and I had planned a "trip" for just the two of us that month.. to go to New York, to Palmyra, to go visit some of our church's history sights. At this point, I was NOT looking forward to the plane ride, as I now realized I had a 2 hour flight to denver, then another 3 and half our flight to New York.. yikes. And YES by the time I got there.. pain pain pain. Frustration all around. I was pleasantly surprised that the entire time I was in New York, despite the cold, rainy weather.. I was not in pain at all.. (It was NOT a coincidence.. I KNOW it was a blessing). But the minute I stepped onto the plane and a half hour into the flight.. oh man.. I was in pain again. Legs ached, feet aches, arms, neck, head.. teeth.. weird. I know.

So that entire following week.. it was awful, I couldn't sit very long with my legs bent without being a so much pain. I went out to lunch with some friends and I had to stand half of the time because my legs hurt so bad! I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything. I was SOOOO frustrated! I kept wondering if something was really wrong with me? Still denying it was fibromyalgia.. because that was just a "made up" disease".. come on people. really chronic pain? get over it.

So all week.. just not doing good. I even hadto stand the entire game for my son's football game.. couldn't sit.. so standing was my only option. Well that sunday.. went I  to church and by the time the first hour of Church was done.. I was in so much pain, I wanted to puke. I was physically sick.  I was doubled over. My husband kept asking me if I was okay.. and I was not. I went out into the hallway.. and sat down.. but within minutes knew something was extremely wrong. It was pouring rain outside.. and I just remember not even being able to think straight, I was in so much pain. I was the Relief Socity President of my church (ward). I am LDS and we have over 14 million members. We all believe and are taught and lead by a modern day Prophet.  To make sure that everyone needs in the church are met and accounted for, we are split by cities or geographical areas into "stakes"  where a stake president (who is called by the church and strictly volunteer and non paid).. then presides over "wards". Each Stake has about 6-8 wards. Each ward has around 300-400 members (or less)and each ward has a Bishop and two counselors who are called (again volunteer not paid) that is over that ward. They preside over the ward, the needs of the members,  the church services and report back to the church headquarters in the church. ALL of our callings are volunteer only. We are not paid for any of our church callings. Our Prophet is not paid either. ( I only say that because I know sometimes people wonder... if all of our "tithing" goes to pay for the priests, or bishops or apostles.. but nope.. the tithing goes to buldilng temples and churches and printing teaching material and the church welfare program which helps hundreds of thousands of people.. (members and NON members) who don't have food or clothing or places to live.

Well The Bishop also calls other "members" of the ward to be over certain areas..and I was called as the Relief Society President..  which meant that I was over all the women in my ward (150-200 women)... taking care of their physical, spiritual and emotional needs,. Also having meals set up to be taken in when there were deaths in the family, or babies.. or sickness. I was in charge of  holding weekly and monthly meetings to help the woman learn to be self reliant in their homes and communities. I was not paid to do this.. and it took a lot of my time.. emtionally and physically, but I LOVED It. It was truly humbling.  I was also in charge of one of the "meetings" at church on sunday where all the women met (that didn't have other calling like teaching the youth or younger kits in primary, or helping out in the nursery)  and I KNEW I had to stay because that particular sunday.. we found out that our stake was splitting all of our wards because there had been so much growth in the area, they needed to "re-assign" all the ward boundaries.. so that the wards could function better.. having their needs met and not having one ward with like say 500 members and another ward with only 200. So because of that news.. I KNEW that  after that week, I would no longer not only.. NOT be the Relief Society President anymore, but I would no longer  even in that ward. Keep in mind I had not been told that information.. but I just knew it.  I felt it in my heart.. that my calling was soon going to be over and that mantel of taking care of those wonderful women would be gone. So  I wanted to stay so I could tell the women how much I loved them and had loved getting to know them personally. I knew it would be the last time I would get the opportunity. I truly cared for them so much. That calling was one of the most rewarding I have ever done. But it was also the hardest calling Emtionally and physically. So I needed to stay. I asked my husband to find our Bishop and I needed them to both give me a blessing. I believe in the priesthood and it's power to heal.  We believe that  two men (with the proper authority and priesthood).. can offer you a blessing. Where they lay their hands upon your head and can bless you with wants or needs, according to the Lords will.  I knew I needed a blessing to help me get through the day and I NEEDED to stay.  I wanted my husband to bless me that I would be healed and I would feel great and I would be just fine.. However during the blessing.  he didn't. He told me that I would need to be humbled and blessed me that I would be able to understand the things that would come and that my faith would help me through the times and trials ahead. That I would be he and I would both be guided in finding ways to cope with my problem and that we would blessed in time from our efforts. THAT WAS NOT what I wanted to hear! lol But it was the Lord's will.

So I stood up.. and my Bishop started to ask us about our trip to Palmyra and I lost it.. I was done. I was almost on the floor and asked my husband to please help me out to the car. I was crying, I was scared and I was in pain.  I went home and tried to sleep off the pain, I took the pain medication my doctor gave me hoping it would "take the edge" off and nothing. I tried several times to get out of bed to even go to the restroom and I nearly passed out because the pain was so bad. EVERY bit of me hurt. I could name all the body parts.. but it might gross you out.. just let me tell you EVERY bit of me hurt. EVERy hair on my head..every spot.. every organ. every muscle.   I tried to focus on something else.. I tried to watch tv, read, listen to music.. and nothing. Actually all I did was cry. That night was the  meeting at our church to announce the new ward boundaries.. I WANTED to go to the meeting. I hadn't been told that we would no longer be in that ward.. but I KNEW it.. while I was in Palmyra.. I had a special moment.. where I knew I would no longer be the RS president.. and that we would no longer be in our current ward. SO I HAD to go. this was a big deal.. every ward in our stake (7 wards) were being split.. into completely new wards.. so everyone in the stake was being affected. They wouldn't tell anyone ahead of time how.. only the Bishops.. but I knew and I wanted to be there.  I tried several times to get up and go.. My husband had went a bit early to save a seat in the "soft chairs! Lol as we knew so many people would be there, that if he didn't.. we would be sitting way in the back. BUt every-time I tried to get out of bed.. it was worse. at one point, I crawled to the top of the stairs and asked my oldest son if he would carry me to the car  drive me to the church and then help me into the church's bathroom. (as I was in my pj's and that wasn't appropriate dress).. because I really wanted to be there.. but I couldn't even make it down the stairs without crying. I was scared. I was NOT this kind of person. I could handle alot of things... heck I get strep throat like 7 times a year.. I was NOt a person who let sickness or pain get the best of me. seriously I was mad.

Well that day came and went.. and the next week got a little better.. but I honestly I was scared. I didn't want this to be my new "everyday". I couldn't have this be my new everyday. I was a super busy person. I had two on-line business.. 6 kids, a busy calling.. (which by the way.. I did get released from that night and we were moved into a new ward.. a quiet, smaller ward.. new people. we knew only 3 other families.. but it's been PERFECT for us and our kids and now I get to work with the Young Women in that new ward.. ages 12-18. I LOVE IT! ). So I was busy!! I love to snowboard, waterski, camp.. travel.. I love to go go go.. out to the movies with my friends, dinner.. late night get together.. spur of the moment night outs. I was not going to let some little pain take over my life!  So over the next few weeks, I found myself doing a ton of research on-line about Fibromyalgia and how about weather and climate and food and sleep and STRESS can make it better or worse. While I couldn't change where i lived.. i could make a change with the other.  I started going to bed by 10 every night (um I felt like a kid being punished.. really? I stay up until 1 am every night! Lol). stopped going out with friends as much. Started eating better.. giving myself permission to stop working at 3:00 instead of 6:00. I felt like a dork.. but I HAd to do it.. to just be able to function. I honestly got tired of my friends and family calling me everyday and asking.. "how are you feeling today".. because I always felt like I was saying the same thing.  'well today I am in pain, today my teeth hurt and my eyes.. and my toes".. or "today my legs hurt and my fingers and my chest."..  SO i decided.. since PAIN was my new normal.. that I would just start telling people.. "im fine! Feel good today!"and actually it was the truth.. After that horrible horrible day in October.. I WAS fine. I might be in pain.. but I wasn't in so much pain.. I almost wished I wasn't here. So I was GRATEFUL. GRATEFUL for the days that only my legs and feet and nose and arm pits hurt.. grateful that I could sit at my desk for almost 30 minutes without having to get up and stretch  and take a walk because of the pain in my legs from being bent. I started feeling grateful for the good days. instead of feeling sorry for myself.. that my old "life" might never be back.I was also HUGLEY humbled for all the people all over the world the suffer from any kind of chronic pain or disease. I had empathy.. not just sympathy for them. I would no longer EVER judge them for saying "i don't feel good enough to do that today". Or " i need to go to bed early because if I don't.. I will be sorry tomorrow" (I used to be like.. really? get over it.. and go to the movies.. you old fart).  Over Christmas I actually started to feel a little better. Between October and January, I had only had about 6days in which i was in soo much pain I couldn't get out of bed.. where I cried all day.. where I didn't even bother taking pain medication because it didn't even take the edge off. So I was happy and grateful and getting use to my new "normal".  

Finally in January.. I went to my doctor again.. who sent me to a specialist.. just to rule out everything ELSE.. had ALL sorts of blood tests done. I didn't want to do it. We don't have insurance and it was giong to be expensive.. but I NEEDED peace of mind. What if I had cancer.. what if I had something else? not just chronic pain? I wanted to make sure that I wasn't putting of something else.. that it actually COULD be taken care of.

So  did.. I waited 2 weeks for the results (and $2000 dollars later).. and I remembered the day my doctor called me.. I was sititng on my couch in my bedroom.. looking at art magazines.. having a "so-so" pain day.. and not feeling good enough to be on my computer working.. so taking some down time. It was after five and so I was shocked she was calling me. I was scared to answer it.. scared of what she might say.. and you know what she said?  She said.. well I have good news and bad news.. (i usually always ask for the bad news first).. today I asked for the good news.. she said "ALL of your tests came back NORMAL. EVERYTHING. You are 100% completely healthy. You are one of the healthiest people I have seen in  LONG LONG TIME'.  The bad news.. you have firbromyalgia."  I started to cry.. I cried and cried and she said.. "I know.. I am  sorry".  and immediately.. I said " oh no! I am not crying because I am sad. I am crying because I am HAPPY. I FEEL BLESSED!  I can DEAL with the pain.. I can deal with the frustrations.. but being sick with cancer or some other life threatening disease.. would be devastating". . I thanked her for her time and hung up. I immediately text-ed my two best friends.. Melody and Margie and told them the good news.. and how grateful I felt. Then I told my husband and he too was grateful.. although he did mention.. it sucked we spent $2000 dollars to find out I am healthy! lol

but it was good. It was Peace of mind. 

Flash-forward to today. Today I was supposed to get up and take a shower and clean my house for a realtor is who coming to take pictures to list our house.. (because we are moving.. because we need more space and hey why not move in the midst of all the crazy things going on our life right now! lol)   Today I had to write this fun blog post about my monday moodboards, and tell you that Spark registration is now open and how I get to go to Ranger U in a few week and spend time with my dear friend Tim Holtz. Today I was supposed to answer all the emails that came in from the weekend for my blog, my two online shops and my classes.. todaY I was supposed to list all the new product (um  hello!, dang cute new crafter's workshop stencils and Faber Castell products) that got here friday and today , in our mixed media shop and send out an email telling everyone about it. Today I was supposed to create two new pieces of artwork for my April 15th deadline.. for Surtex. today today today. Today did not go as planned. Instead, today  it took me over 2 hours to take a shower and get ready.. because I kept having to stop at every point.. and lay down.. because I was in so much pain and frustrated because I DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS TODAY. Today It took me over an hour to make my dang bed and put away clothes my clean clothes  to get the house clean for the realtor..  because my mind was so frustrated with how I felt, all I could think about was how I wish this day was already over.. and my "good" day was here again.

After my realtor left,  I tried to come into the office and "work" and found myself snapping at my sister because she was asking me simple questions about shipping and I just wanted to cry again because I couldn't THINK straight and I DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS PAINT!  So I found a blanket, turned up the heat found the heat vent under the kitchen table in our dining room and curled up into a ball and tried to relax and PULL myself together! As I layed there.. All I could think about is how if we moved to  warmer climate.. all my problems would be gone. I would feel fine and my pain would go away (weather has a lot to do with it).BUT we love where we live. Family is here. Friends are here. I love the small town and love that my son with aspergers (and going into high school next year) is excepted and loved by students and teachers and the community. Moving out of shelley to a warmer place is NOT an option.  I thought about how I wish today was a just a  good day.. because then I wouldn't be feeling this way.  I had lots of people counting on me today and if they knew Iwas curled up in a ball laying under my kitchen table.. crying because I was feeling sorry for myself and the pain I was in.. they would NOT be amused. Then I started thinking about my blog post that I "hadn't done" and how I had NO desire to go find beautiful things on etsy.. because today I was not feeling beautiful. Then I started thinking about how maybe I am doing too much, maybe I should stop blogging, or tell my agent I can't do the licencing contract, or forget moving, or stop teaching online classes.. because I just wanted to sit on the heater and be warm and not think.

But then I started to remember all of the wonderful things I had to be grateful for. How the Lord has blessed my life and my families life by giving me so many wonderful opportunities over the last few months.. that ALLOWS me to stay home with my family and SUPPORT my family..  so when I have these bad days.. I CAN crawl up under my kitchen table with a blanket and sit on theheater and cry! lol. and how On days like this I SHOULD never try and make important decisions about anything.. because I will always so no and I will want it all to just go away.  On days like this.. I have to remember that just because I am feeling this way.. IN this moment.. the frustration, the pain, the feeling that it won't ever go away and I can't do it all.. that IT WILL. Tomorrow is a new day and tomorrow I will be able to get it all done and that I should NEVER let this one moment be my reality. I should NEVER go to the store hungry.. because I will buy everything in site and walk away with a bunch of crap I don't need and my body doesn't need.  and spending money that we don't need to spend.. all because I went to the store hungry. Bad analogy I know.. but here it is..

I guess what I am trying to say is this. We all have days like this. We all have days where life seems like we can't tackle it.. or handle it.. or do what we are supposed to do. That God is asking too much of us and that we wish we could all just sit on the couch and eat bon bons and watch tv.. and that we wish we didn't have laundry to do, or make beds to make or had jobs to go to, or appointments to be at.. or people to that needed us or commitments that had to be kept.  We wish it would just all go away.. but then if we sit and are still and quiet.. and maybe just take a blanket and lay over the heater under the kitchen table and relax and close our eyes and Thank GOD that we CAN do those things..  we realize that it will be okay. That we CAN do it. That we are capable.. that we do have it in is.. that this is our life and that we are blessed for what we HAVE been given. and that even when we have days like this... where we fall short.. people will understand that those things didn't get done..and tomorrow is a better today. TODAY is not your reality. and you know what? it's OKAY to have day's like today.  Today we are just at the store hungry... ready to buy everything in site and once we get a little food in us.. and are able to see that we actually don't NEED two boxes of twinkies, a case of donuts, a pack of twizzlers and 2 cases of pop for Dinner....

We will be JUST FINE.

Tomorrow I will be just fine. Right now, I am going to go snuggle back on my heater and maybe read a book or sleep..and be grateful that I have today.. because It makes me even more grateful that I have tomorrow.

happy monday.

Comments

[Peggy Freedman]

Although I don't know you except on Facebook, I feel like I know you a whole lot better now. Thanks for the slap in the face, I needed it. I'm such a brat sometimes that I just need to shut up and get things done and get over myself. It will be ok. Thanks again.

[Jeanne]

Hang in there.it's rough, but you are doing a lot of the right things because you HAVE to take care of yourself.....can't take care of others if you are not okay.
A friend posted this as her FB status today, ans it responated with me- so sharing here: "Sure, some things in life are not easy... but, many, many are. Which are you counting?"
Sending you a virtual hug- but not too tight, don't want it to hurt <3

[Becky T]

sweetheart.....I can so relate to your post and feel what you feel. I have been having some inner battles myself lately and had to come to terms that I can only take things one day at a time. I have to deal with chronic pain every day...with my back...a herniated disc and two buldging discs. But now my hips are hurting. I'm 39! Can't understand why I have to hurt every day. I hate it. Along with other things going on it just becomes to much some days. But today...I'm just taking today one step at a time. Tomorrow...is another day. I will get to it when I get to it.
hugs....many, many hugs

[debbie McIntyre]

First of all you always need a pack of Twizzlers! Your post was so moving and I know with your busy life, the hard days are alot to bear. I will keep you in my prayers, and hope that you have more good days than bad. I made my Wordy Girls all day long and am thankful for all I've learned from you. I look forward to seeing you in May at Inspired. xo Mac

[Robynn McFerren]

WOW!!! Well I had no idea until this post that anything was amiss with you and your health. The commitment that you have to press on each day with a positive attitude is really the only way to get through these things that the God gives us.
He has blessed you tremendously with a gift not only of art but of patience, wisdom and love, endless love Christy. It shows through in everything that you do.
You have a wonderful husband, children and dear friends in Melody and Margie.
Your post was inspirational and made me sit back and take stock of my life today and I want to thank you for that. All the other stuff will wait. Stay warm, feel better and it is OKAY to have a day like today.
Love you,
Robynn

[Martha Richardson]

I've been dealing with FIbro for decades...the hardest years were my younger years but I now understand it much better...stop fighting it...it is what it is...an invisible syndrome. The best thing you can do is get off gluten...that will make you feel sooooo much better. Be kind to yourself and make sure that the people that surround you understand. I was angry for years because I couldn't do half of what everyone else could do but I'm like a new person today...oh and check your Vit. D level...bet it's low also!!!

Looking forward to She Art ;)

[kolleen]

sending you a great big fat gigantua squeeze!!!

you are an inspiration my friend....to SO many.

i love your honesty.
i love how you were able to flip this around and find the positive and the blessings.
i love how you realized you shouldn't make decisions when you are having an "off" day.

thank you for sharing...for your authenticity.

oxoxox
love to you
k

ps....i didn't realize your son had aspergers...my son is autistic and entering high school next year too. we are sending many prayers up for him that the adjustment will be smooth...i will pray for yours also. oxoxoxo

[marianne barone]

She knew that tomorrow was another day!

Hugs Christy!

[shelleymay]

ok see? right there? that post? i'm a fibro sister. and i'm in denial. BIG time. emailing you now. hugs, sweet friend.

[Holly S]

Oh Christy! I am sorry you have had such troubles with your body...I understand. I understand your body aching so much you beg for it all to be over. I understand standing in the shower barely able to move and crying your eyes out. I understand cold, damp days make you hurt even more than you thought was possible. I understand. I know. Sending a big, warm, tight, loving hug to you.

[Kim Boken]

Please know that you are not alone in this fight against fibromyalgia. I have suffered with it for over 15 years now. When I was younger it never really affected me as much as it does now. Warm weather bothers me the most, especially humidity. I also dont have insurance so have not been adquately treated for some time now. I am fortunate that I have a hubby who knows my limitations and helps me when I need it.
HUGS to you my friend!! I am here for you!

[sharon rittler]

Your right Chrisy, we will be just fine ;} My heart aches for you, and for the pain you have to endure now. I think your so brave and inspire me to make it through and accomplish all the very same things you have. My fibro and all the other medical issues I have really piss me off! I hate the fact that I can no longer clean the floors in my house, or even get on the floor to play with my children. I hate that all I want to do is get my legs up and take pressure off my back, and all my kids want to do is play with Mommy outside. I just hate the pain and fatigue so much, but we will be just fine. Right? Please keep doing what your doing and never once apologize for not being able to do it for that day, or even that week because your awesome! It will get done when it gets done. That's what I have no choice but to say daily to everyone. Thanks for posting your real feelings and putting it out there about what it's like for us living with this horrible disorder. YOU ROCK!!!

[Jenny nielson]

I swear we need to meet. I have been dealing with the same stuff. I get really sad and down on myself when my body can't do what I want it to do. Iwas very active and now I get so tired and I just hurt. I have been to the doctor but my sugars were a little high but not diabetes yet. So she thinks that is what it is. I had my tonsils out two years ago because I got strep throat like five times a year. Another thing we have in common. Then I had to have my knee scoped and then I was in a car accident. But I have done some research and I have everything symptom of fibromyalgia . Some days I just cry like you because I have so many things I want to be doing. I tell my family that I dream about when I am resereted and have a perfect body I am running as fast as I can through a field of wild flowers. I am also lds. Thanks for sharing this, I know that there are other people out there that can relate.

[Kasey Litt]

Oh Christy - I literally feel your pain. I know exactly what you mean about bending body parts. Did you know that FMS is often triggered by a traumatic event like your dad passing. I'm 10 years older than you and have had a lot more time to live with the diagnosis but I haven't been real verbal to other people...especially at work.

I was diagnosed in 1999 after years of tests upon tests and crazy looks from doctors thinking I was a complete mental case. For me, as much as my physical symptoms are a pain (PUN totally intended!) for me it is my mental symptoms that get me down. Some days I have so much brain fog that I just can't even think how to move forward. Sometimes, I am driving and I can't recognize where I am and the only thing I can do is keep driving forward until something triggers recognition. FMS manifests in so many different ways for different people.

I'm like you - go go go because I think if I don't, I won't be able to to get out of the downward spiral.

I wish I can meet you some day -- I have learned so much from you and I feel the power of your nurturing ways even all the way here in Georgia.

[laura huffman]

so sorry to hear of your fibro. sending warm hugs and prayers your way. one day at a time.

[Selena]

My heart hurts for your pain dear girl. But it also soars because of your outlook on things. You are a blessing Christy, even when you don't feel like one. Hugs girlfriend!!!

[Melissa P]

(Warning this is long too) So I have been away from my computer today because I too am having an "off day". I saw the length of the blog and honestly thought...I wonder if my pain will allow me to sit here long enough to read it all. Well I pushed through and honestly I cried. I am 31 and a year ago found out that I had Fibro along with Rhuematoid Arthritis, Osteo Arthritis and the worse is Psoriatic Arthritis. Its all still sinking in and I am still adjusting. (warning this may gross some ppl out) My PSA causes my tendons, muscles and organs to swell which can rupture if not treated which happened in my foot when we thought it was just a sprain. I am still limping around. I think the hardest part is communicating to people around you your limitations now. I want you to know that you are not alone and I will be praying along side you the whole way. My email is MINFL3@msn.com and my blog is pattonmommy.blogspot.com if you would like to contact me. By the way isnt it awesome that we have art to help us through all of this. Not to mention GOD! I have been drooling over your e-courses and cant wait to save my money up to take them. Loves and Hugs!

[Torri Burtenshaw]

okay I was sitting here frustrated and wondering what was wrong with me because I just couldn't make myself do anything today. shutting down and hating it. your fb post popped up and as I read it, I started to cry realizing that I really understood what you were saying and realized that I need to just do the same. be happy that I am here and that tomorrow is in the morning and I will have a better day. just want you to know I love you so much. you are such an inspiration to me. thanks for posting this, I know it was hard for you, but I needed to read it. don't know that you will ever read this, but I just need to express myself. remember you are the light to so many. thanks for all you are and do!!!

[Kathryn Benfiet]

Wow...I could have written your post. I too have fibro and most days, tell myself and others that "I'm fabulous" even when I'm so not, because having a positive attitude does help. But then, you're sitting in your recliner writhing in pain at 2 am praying that the medication will kick-in and help with the pain(it's actually more like being on fire). I put most of my pain and ickiness in an imaginary "box" and keep it closed, but sometimes, I can't keep it shut tight and everything bursts out (which can be really ugly). I so know how you feel and will keep you in my prayers. I too am learning when to say no, when to let go and let someone else. Fibro has been a wake-up call from God for me to put my priorities straight. You are not alone...thanks for sharing.

[whispersandwishes]

Christy... I understand, and sympathise with your pain and frustration... And yes, you know what, there was a cute picture in this.. only you didn't see it... you, curled up with a blanket under the table.... though at that moment you were in horrendous pain and it was anything but cute, the image,if you remove the pain, is adorable... Thank you for sharing this... because everytime we admit we are less than perfect, that we fail, that we hurt, we open the door for someone else to begin to heal.

You are amazing, Brave Girl, and I'm honoured to know you.
Kaere

[Brenda]

I can't say much more than all these other ladies,
Except that no matter where you live the climate
Can trigger the fibro. I live in Massachusetts & struggle with
Fibromyalgia just as you do. I think of those down days as
Gods way of telling me to slow down. Go through life & enjoy it don't
Race so fast & miss any of the important things.
So Christy stop once in a while just to enjoy, don't wait for the
Pain to drop you before you rest. You'll do fine and learn how to
Manage this you just will!

[jamila jones]

Sometimes we bless people or open peoples eyes and we dont even know it. Sometimes God tells us to do something, it may not even be for the reason that we think we are going to do it. I am saying that because you said exactly what I needed to hear. I found out Friday that I have Psorais. My mother has it as well as my grandma and a few aunts. A few of them even lost their hair. I loooooove my hair. I mean its not the best hair on earth but I always feel great when its done up. On a side not Im also a diabetic, have been on antibiotics for the past year because of reacurring tonsilitis (i am scared to take them out) and a pilodonial cyst. Sometimes I sit back and ask why me, why do i have to be sick all the time?? People must think I am a dang hypocondriac or somthing. But I know my body, so I catch these things quickly. But anyway at Church on Sunday my paster who was talking about something entirely different than an illness said a few words that stoped me in my tracks. When you ask yourself why me, you should really be saying whhy not me. He said that Jesus never said why me when they were nailing him to the cross. When I heard that I was like woooow. Never applied that to my situation in that way before.

Long story hort thank you so much for your post. I feel better about all that I have going on now. I feel like I can take it one day at a time and deal with these things as they come up. I feel like I am not alone in my daily struggles. I need you to know what an inspiration you are to so many people. ( Im crying now, thanks a bunch for making me emotional)

[Alice]

My Dear Christy - Though I only know you through She Art Class, your blog and Facebook ...I feel as if you a wonderful friend I could turn to when I need someone to talk to. Today, you talked to all of your "friends" and we all listened. I'm sure we all want to just be able to take you pain away, but that we cannot do. We can however, support you, listen to you, and help you get through the bad days. You are an amazingly person. I've not known a person who has a heart as big as yours. Your kindness and determination amazes me.
You are a Brave Girl, Miss Christy. 'She will overcome her battles'. Take care and we all love you!

[Rebecca L]

I only know you through She Art course and your blog but you always seem to give so much. Don't forget to take time for yourself. You have such a good heart and soul. You have helped inspire me to be easier on myself(art & soul). I'm very critical of myself when I don't do enough in a day or am ill. Trying to be better! I just take it a day at a time. My immune system is very weak due to heart defect. I had my 1st stroke at 23 and finally had heart surgery at 36. Reading your blog made me cry because I also feel lucky that things weren't worse. Thank you for sharing something so personal. Take care.
Much love!

[Diane]

Christy, treat yourself kindly, and don't feel guilty about it. I can tell you through personal experience through 2 1/2 years of trying to find an answer to the pain also. My doctors thought it was fibromyalgia, until 1 doctor realized it was actually chronic myofascial pain syndrome, very similar to fibromyalgia. I 100% agree with Martha R. who posted a comment above about staying away from gluten. I never eat anything with flour in it...ever! complete turnaround in my symptoms. I also had my Vit. D checked - it was dangerously low. After I was treated, I felt immense relief within 36 hours of my first dose. Just those 2 steps alone have turned my unbearable pain from a level of 10 down to a 2! I also can't be cold, otherwise it'll flare up. Stay warm, no gluten, stay on top of your Vit. D, and you will begin the turnaround to consistently better days ahead. Good luck and I can't wait for 3 Hearts! Loved your She Art - you're so gifted and appreciated by so many women. We all love you and support you! Hang in there! I'd be happy to share some other helpful tips if you're interested - shoot me an email!