okay... so it's been a while since I wrote a seriously blog post.. hopefully this is okay :)..but it's been in my mind lately..
when I was at CKU a couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure of listening to Hilary Weeks give the Opening Keynote Speech. She is also a singer and songwriter.. has many CDs published in the Christian market, as well as travels and does motivational speaking with her music.
I also got to talk with her a bit afterwards and have since talked to her on the phone too. She is just truly a wonderful and positive person. A friend for life.. that is for sure! Her message at CKU was so beautiful. It was basically about being positive and finding the good in everything.. even in heartbreaks.
As I sat and listened to her sing and talk (she did a lot back and forth ).. I just really reflected on my own personal life of all the "heartbreaks" I have had over the last few years.. and even throughout my life and wondered if I have always seen the good in them or if I still look back at them as a one of those experiences I wished had never happened. I mean I can go back to many of my high schools experiences and wish they had never happened (like being de-pants in the hallway at school, my junior year.. in front of a large group of my best "guy" friends... wearing my purple silk underwear.. seriously?). They thought they were being so funny.. I wanted to kill them. I DO wish that never happened. But at the same time, I remember taking away from that experience that instead of spending weeks being embarrassed and avoiding everyone.. I remember deciding to just take it like a man or a woman :).. and laugh like everyone else.(of course.. payback is always great too.. and I don't think any of them liked it much when it came their way.. hahah).
But if I think of more recent things in my life that seemed to be a heartbreak or a trial or experience that was hard.. am I really looking at those experiences for the positive instead of the negative? I remember talking a few weeks ago with someone about my dad's death. Many of you know he died last year and I have told this story before. So sorry if you have already heard it.
It was a weekend, we all happened to be together, at church blessing my baby brothers son. Five of my dad's 7 children (including me) were there, and 25 of his 27 grand-kids, as well as his wife and some close friends. We were sitting on the pews, shortly after the blessing and sacrament had been passed, I looked over to my dad, who was sitting next to my husband.. and he was having a massive heart attack. He died a few minutes later there in the church.. infront of his children, grandchildren, wife and friends. At the time, it was a horrible experience.. I couldn't image why on earth God would want to put my children and my siblings and I through witnessing such a traumatic event.. but throughout the year.. I have often reflected back and have felt SO BLESSED that actually we were all there. That we were able to spend the last few moments of his life with him.. watching him partake in special ordinances that we consider sacred. He also had been going camping a lot on weekends.. by himself in West Yellowstone.. in random places.. and if he had been alone that weekend.. somewhere in those mountains.. I can't image the heartache and guilt we would have all felt for not being with him in his last moments of life. So while that was a very traumatic experience.. I can tell you that experiencing it together with my children, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.. it actually has brought us so much closer together.. the weeks and months that followed were those of true bonding amongst all of us. I thought my family was close before that experience.. but now.. i can't even describe the close bond we all feel. We also feel so blessed that we were there.. and with him at the time.
So that was an experience for me.. that at the time, seemed like a tragic heartbreak.. but reflecting back.. was actually a beautiful one. I can think of other experience over the last few years that at the same time might seem like experiences I want to forget.. but if I truly look at them deeply enough, I can find actually the good in all of them.. the beautiful blessing or lesson that I learned from each one.. that only builds onto my life experiences and builds character and soulful depth. It's not an easy thing to do.. always find the positive.. holy cow.. are you kidding me? Sometimes I think to myself.. really? What is the good in THAT? but after listening to Hillary's speech last week and watching her final video.. I realized... i really could. I have found many times in the past year that some of my biggest heartbreaks have actually been lessons that I needed to learn. I have said this before.. but there is a huge difference between being empathetic and sympathetic and I have realized that sometimes in order for me to truly be non-judgemental and compasionate to others trials or heartbreaks.. I have had to go through them myself to learn that lesson. I know for me.. it's always a humbling experience. Don't get me wrong, there are mistakes I have made that I wish I could take back.. wish had never happened.. but not so much because of the consequences that happened to me.. but because of the hurt I caused other people. But then again... I supposed it has a beautiful heartbreak for both of us.. a lesson we both learned. I am always sorry for those mistakes.. but I know I can learn from them too.
Anyhow.. just something I have been thinking about lately.. this summer I experienced a big heartbreak in my life with a dear friend.. and at the time, I just wasn't understanding what or why I was going through that experience.. the heartbreak still hasn't completely healed but the magical thing about it is that through the process, i have opened my heart to other friends..beautuful women and even my husband.. who I never would have.. and have strengthend those friendships more than I could have ever imagined. It was completely un-intentional.. but I can see now, I would have never let my guard down and let those people that close into my life.. if I hadn't absolutely needed it. So while I still am very sad over the experience, I am starting to see the beautiful heartbreak in it. At the end of Hilary's talk.. she played a video for us.. a song that she wrote and sang.. I want to show it to you, because it just brings this message closer to the heart than what I have to say, ever could.. It's a beautiful message.. about beautiful heartbreaks. Hope you enjoy it.. and hope you can find the positive in those heartbreaks you may be going through too.
oh and ps. I was going to announce the winners of my last blog post for Jeanne's Class I think I will wait until my next blog post this week :) if that's okay :)