Beautiful Heartbreaks...

okay... so it's been a while since I wrote a seriously blog post.. hopefully this is okay :)..but it's been in my mind lately..

when I was at CKU a couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure of listening to Hilary Weeks give the Opening Keynote Speech. She is also a singer and songwriter.. has many CDs published in the Christian market, as well as travels and does motivational speaking with her music.

I also got to talk with her a bit afterwards and have since talked to her on the phone too. She is just truly a wonderful and positive person. A friend for life.. that is for sure!  Her message at CKU was so beautiful. It was basically about being positive and finding the good in everything.. even in heartbreaks.

As I sat and listened to her sing and talk (she did a lot back and forth ).. I just really reflected on my own personal life of all the "heartbreaks" I have had over the last few years.. and even throughout my life and wondered if I have always seen the good in them or if I still look back at them as a one of those experiences I wished had never happened. I mean I can go back to many of my high schools experiences and wish they had never happened (like being de-pants in the hallway at school, my junior year.. in front of a large group of my best "guy" friends... wearing my purple silk underwear.. seriously?).  They thought they were being so funny.. I wanted to kill them. I DO wish that never happened. But at the same time, I remember taking away from that experience that instead of  spending weeks being embarrassed and avoiding everyone.. I remember deciding to just take it like a man or a woman :).. and laugh like everyone else.(of course.. payback is always great too.. and I don't think any of them liked it much when it came their way.. hahah).

But if I think of more recent things in my life that seemed to be a heartbreak or a trial or experience that  was hard.. am I really looking at those experiences for the positive instead of the negative? I remember talking a few weeks ago with someone about my dad's death. Many of you know he died last year and I have told this story before. So sorry if you have already heard it.  

It was a weekend, we all happened to be together, at church blessing my baby brothers son. Five of my dad's 7 children (including me) were there, and 25 of his 27 grand-kids, as well as his wife and some close friends. We were sitting on the pews, shortly after the blessing and sacrament had been passed, I looked over to my dad, who was sitting next to my husband.. and he was having a massive heart attack. He died a few minutes later there in the church.. infront of his children, grandchildren, wife and friends. At the time, it was a horrible experience.. I couldn't image why on earth God would want to put my children and my siblings and I through witnessing such a traumatic event.. but throughout the year.. I have often reflected back and have felt SO BLESSED that actually we were all there. That we were able to spend the last few moments of his life with him.. watching him partake in special ordinances that we consider sacred. He also had been going camping a lot on weekends.. by himself in West Yellowstone.. in random places.. and if he had been alone that weekend.. somewhere in those mountains.. I can't image the heartache and guilt we  would have all felt for not being with him in his last moments of life. So while that was a very traumatic experience.. I can tell you that experiencing it together with my children, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.. it actually  has brought us so much closer together.. the weeks and months that followed were those of true bonding amongst all of us. I thought my family was close before that experience.. but now.. i can't even describe the close bond we all feel. We also feel so blessed that we were there.. and with him at the time.

So that was an experience for me.. that at the time, seemed like a tragic heartbreak.. but reflecting back.. was actually a beautiful one. I can think of other experience over the last few years that at the same time might seem like experiences I want to forget.. but if I truly look at them deeply enough, I can find actually the good in all of them.. the beautiful blessing or lesson that I learned from each one.. that only builds onto my life experiences and builds character and soulful depth. It's not an easy thing to do.. always find the positive.. holy cow.. are you kidding me? Sometimes I think to myself.. really? What is the good in THAT?  but after listening to Hillary's speech last week and watching her final video.. I realized... i really could. I have found many times in the past year that some of my biggest heartbreaks have actually been lessons that I needed to learn. I have said this before.. but there is a huge difference between being empathetic and sympathetic and I have realized that sometimes in order for me to truly be non-judgemental and compasionate to others trials or heartbreaks.. I have had to go through them myself to learn that lesson. I know for me.. it's always a humbling experience. Don't get me wrong, there are mistakes I have made that I wish I could take back.. wish had never happened.. but not so much because of the consequences that happened to me.. but because of the hurt I caused other people. But then again... I supposed it has a beautiful heartbreak for both of us.. a lesson we both learned. I am always sorry for those mistakes.. but I  know I can learn from them too.

Anyhow.. just something I have been thinking about lately.. this summer I experienced a big heartbreak in my life with a dear friend..  and at the time, I just wasn't understanding what or why I was going through that experience.. the heartbreak still hasn't completely healed but the magical thing about it is that through the process, i have opened my heart to other friends..beautuful women and even my husband.. who I never would have.. and have strengthend those friendships more than I could have ever imagined. It was completely un-intentional.. but I can see now, I would have never let my guard down and let those people that close into my life.. if I hadn't absolutely needed it. So while I still am very sad over the experience, I am starting to see the beautiful heartbreak in it. At the end of Hilary's talk.. she played a video for us.. a song that she wrote and sang.. I want to show it to you, because it just brings this message closer to the heart than what I have to say, ever could..  It's a beautiful message.. about beautiful heartbreaks.  Hope you enjoy it.. and hope you can find the positive in those heartbreaks you may be going through too.

oh and ps. I was going to announce the winners of my last blog post for Jeanne's Class I think I will wait until my next blog post this week :) if that's okay :)

Happy Tuesday!

 

Comments

[Darla]

Christy, this is beautiful. You just touched my heart and made me choke up. I can relate to so much of what you have written here about finding the beauty in heartbreak and having to go through things yourself to really be able to understand what others have gone through. You just blessed me greatly. Thank you. xoxo

[Ann-Margaret Arnold]

Such a beautiful post, Christy! It is so true...so many times it feels as though we cannot possibly imagine how we will survive a heartache we are experiencing. But, I have often looked back later to find that there were such beautiful blessings that came from it. And, during that time, I was praying so hard for things to go a certain way and often just felt that I didn't have the strength to make it...but thank goodness, God's strength is what holds me up, and His plan is so much better than mine. Recently, I have looked back on some things to realize that if things had gone as I prayed they would...well, the blessings that unfolded would not have even been possible. Thank you for sharing this beautiful song and reminder. {I love Nie Nie so I love seeing their story in this song~}.

Hugs!!

[Suzie]

Christy, Thank you so much for sharing this!!! Right now I am fighting a battle with Multiple Sclerosis and RA! It's a painful fight but Beautiful thing about it...I am able to stay home and raise my 2 sons! The boys that I was told I would never be able to have! I lost 4 babies to miscarriage and after all this and fertility treatments, the fertility doctor told my husband and I that we wouldn't be able to carry a baby to term! Cord and Cameron are true miracles!!!

[sanrda E]

Wow! That was a great post. Going through a tough time with a friend that was just diaganosed w/ Luekiema. This post gives me inspiration to look at that situation in a new way. I can't beleive how strong my friend and her husband are as they go through this struggle and no matter what it will bring all of us closer and able to apprecieate each other so much more! If god brings you to it he will bring you through it! thanks for a great post!

[Patti]

Thank you!

[Tammie Freeman]

Oh crap you made me cry at work again..good post Christy. Don't know how you do it all and stay so positive! Keep it up you are great!

[Donna Carter]

Christy, so sweet and so true! I agree with your message today. My dad had a horrible stroke in APril of this year, and continues to have smaller strokes - the last one last week. I am my daddy's little girl, and i expected this to put me under! I hate what has happened to him, but i cherish all the moments and memories i have had with him since April .... we have always been close, but this has brought us even closer and we have talked about everything! We have laughed together and cried together. I will never forget these conversations with him. i agree, even when times are painful, we need to see the good in them...Christ has blessings for us daily - we just need to remember that HE is there!

Thanks for your message today!
Donna

[Victoria]

What an excellent message for today and every day. Thank you for sharing Christy.

[Donna L]

I can't view the video here at work but will definitely do so at home, just had to comment on your post, it's all so true. I have to remind myself that God makes all things good for those who love him (Romans 8:28)! It is hard to see the good at first, but as you've experienced, it becomes more clear later, when my heart is ready for it. Isn't God AWESOME!

Thanks, Christy, for the reminder.

[Anita Van Hal]

Beautiful message...beautiful song...sometimes it's the moments that break our hearts that we are able to experience life's most precious blessings...if we only take the time to search our hearts for them. Thanks for sharing! Hugs!

[Judy]

Thank you Christy! I have and will always continue to tell myself, it could be a lot worse....

[peggy]

christy,
this was so touching and beautiful. i, too, had a very similar experience with a friend two years ago and it ended up being the best thing that ever happened. it made me realize that she kept me from two very dear friends and other things. she was so bad for me.... i am so much better off without her in my life... you will be so much happier. thank you for this beautiful gift - this song....
i am so blessed to have you in my life
much love
big hugs
peggy forma

[Kimberly Neddo]

What a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing for all to see!
You are such a blessing!
xxx
K

[Jen Clark]

It's hard to put into words just how beautiful your post was, Christy, and how much it blessed me. And Hilary's song is beautiful and soulful. My life verse, the one I've clung to as one trial after another has battered my life over the past several years, is 2 Corinthians 12:8-9..."Three times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time He said 'My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.' So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." Through miscarriage, through infertility, through having a baby born with an unexpected birth defect and subsequent special needs, through my dad's cancer, through my own health issues and diagnosis of R.A., through marriage problems, through loss of friendships, and an unexpected hysterectomy...whatever comes my way, I have to trust that nothing touches my life without God's approval and without His purpose. And even now, as we face the possibility of losing our baby boy who we've had with us for the past year, (back to his birth mother) while my heart is completely breaking, I have to again put my trust in Him, believing that His plan is perfect...knowing that He sees the whole picture and I only see such a small part of the picture. So thank you for the reminder. xoxo

[Toni K]

Needed to see this today. I love it when that happens :) Sharing this video on my FB too :)

[Diana]

Chisty as alwasy beautifully said. i want to get to that place as well and for the most part i do. thanks for sharing with us!

[Debbie Ellerd]

I so relate with you Christy, I too had an experience just like yours. There is so much to this story but I will tell you the part that is so much like yours. I lost my Mother at 3 days old of an aortic aneurysm. My Dad was all I had until he married her sister, my Aunt. Well when I was eleven and my Dad was 45 he had a massive heart attack and died in my arms at home. I was just a child and through the years that I have grown up, you realize all the things you could of done to save him, but I was just an eleven year old child. I was seeing a counselor during my marriage breakup when I was in my middle 40's and we discussed my Father's passing. He told me that holding my Dad in my arms while he was dying gave my Dad a gift, my image was the last thing he saw before he died. So as yourself and your whole family who saw your Father pass, it is a blessing that this is what he saw before he died, all of you. The shock will always stay with us and the void but the passing, we must realize that our Father was with us and that is what matters. This was a beautiful post Christy and thank you so much for writing it. Made me cry but I found I have something in common with you. My Dad has been gone forty-seven years and it only seems like yesterday, time has no value here. Beautiful song by Hilary...Big Hugs!!

[Laura E.]

Christy,

You're living proof that good things can come out of bad...I feel like God sent me to find you to bring me a healing and you have. Your an angel and I thank God for you and for all of my blessings, like all the women who shared their comments/hearts. God Bless you all! Your friend in Texas

[shannon]

Christy....this is just what I needed today. You have no idea! We just lost my gma on friday....and this has been the hardest week in my life since we lost my gpa. i am not going into details, b/c i am still in the learning process, but this is something i needed to read today.

[marci]

first of all i love hilary weeks. i have been blessed to hear her at several women's conferences and she gives me chills every time i hear her. and she's FUNNY!
i've always said that those experiences give us character. i know i would never be able to be as caring and compassionate if i hadn't had my life experiences. what a beautiful message you shared with us today...that's one of the many reasons that i love reading your blog...you are so real and geniune.:D

[Keshet Starr]

Christy, this is just a beautiful post!I can't imagine what you've gone through with your father passing away before your eyes. Thinking of you.

[becky]

Thank you for sharing. Sometimes we all need to look at things differently!

[Kim Boken]

Christy you were blessed beyond belief..As an EMT for the past 18 years I have witnessed many people die..It's hard to deal with death even that of a stranger..I realized something that I have carried with me all these years..God blessed me with the moment when someone passes..I am there when life ceases to be, no one dies alone.God is always by their side, along with me.

[jen]

This is so beautiful Christy. Thank you so much for sharing your heart & moving mine. Also, many thanks for introducing me to Hilary Weeks...amazing.

[sheila]

I lost my Dad to Melanoma just over a year ago. That is when I found Brave Girls, and SR 1, which was so instrumental in my healing. Then, through Melody and Brave Girls, I found you. You and your classes have been so instrumental in the JOY that I've found after the healing process began thru BG. So, as I sit in my art studio feeling more alive than I have for years, I thank God for my Beautiful Heartbreak that led me to you. Now I'm in Beautiful tears! xoxoxo Thanks for the post.