When I think back through my life.. over the last 37 years
(almost 38) ... it's easy to pick out the moments that have truly
defined and changed my life. Easy because when they happened I knew in my heart
what I was feeling, or hearing or seeing was true. Either for good or for bad.
That is the blessing of our Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost. The simple
whispering and promptings we are given to know and feel truth.
The past few weeks my heart has been in limbo.. struggling with you know.. the beautiful
things we call trials. Those wonderful hard moments and struggles we are given
to help us grow and be humble, and be broke and mend and find our way back up
again.. stronger and more beautiful than ever before. This particular trial has
been one that has been on my mind for months actually but for some reason.. and
you all know what I am talking about.. there are times when moments before you
know the trial is about to really rear it's head.. that your heart is
struggling and feeling uneasy. We are beautiful women (and men) of our Heavenly
Father and have been given divine spirits.. and we KNOW.. we know when things
are going to happen. Whether it's conscious or sub conscious.. I believe our spirits know.
This past week for me was one of those moments.. when something I have been
struggling with and trying to figure out.. finally finally came to it's moment.
I was nervous and scared and anxious about what the outcome would be.. but I
KNEW in my heart that no matter what.. I was loved by my Father in Heaven and
that this too.. like in past with all trials.. would be one beautiful bright
and courage moment of love, clarity and truth.
and so it came.. and as hard as it was.. I have to tell you. the Lord TRULY loves us!!
I woke up today with the most beautiful feeling of love and peace and calm and
determination. As some of you know I am LDS, Mormon.. a memeber
of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints... and there are things
that I TRULY believe in my life that bring my happiness and hope and faith and
charity and LOVE and closer to my Heavenly Father, my family and my Savior.
Some of those things include saying my prayers, reading my scriptures, being
faithful in temple and church attendances, giving service to others.. .. and so
many many many more. But what I find is that my heart goes through times that
while I BELIEVE and truly know I should be doing all of those things.. I slack
off.. I let life get in the way.. I let the daily life of making a living,
raising kids, cleaning house.. you name it.. it fills up our day so fast that
we forgot to do the most important things of all. And usually its not because I
don't want to do them.. i just FORGET..
but today when I woke up.. I had this DEEP DEEP DEEP!!!! sound resolution to strengthen
my testimony of the Gospel and of Christ as much as possible through praying
often, reading my scriptures DAILY.. giving service.. doing good. ALL of those
things that bring me closer to the Lord. To being a better person, a more kind
person, a more loving and forgiving person. and all of this resolution and
sound calm testimony has come from this trial I have been dealing with for so
so many months. So then it's such and wonderful things to think.. that EVERY
trail, every heartache, EVERY thing that is hard that we deal with, we go
through.. whether it's health related or a personal struggle or family
struggle.. or even financial struggle.. that ALL of those things.. IF WE LET
IT.. can teach us the most beautiful life lessons. They can strengthen who we
are as a person.. they can truly push us to do better and be better. They can
become those moments we remember and WANT to remember forever.
If we let them. Our Trials and our struggles and our mistakes can either break us.. or
they can build us. It take hope, and faith and COURAGE to decide how we will
let it affect us. Yesterday I have to admit.. that I was tinkering on the
other.. I was in a place where I felt despair and helpless and couldn't see ALL
of the good that was coming from this. Then a dear friend of mine.. called on
the phone and shared with me some of the most beautiful advice ever and
reminded me of what I already knew.. but just couldn't seem to remember..
To let my adversity teach me the most amazing things. To not cloud my mind with
sadness and helplessness or pain or beat myself up over things. but to look for
the tiny miracles happening around me and opportunities from this trial that
could and WILL change who I am forever. That will help me to be more loving,
kind, gentle, caring.. FORGIVING.. true.. faithful to my family.. my friends
and my religious beliefs. To be Strong and steadfast.. to be immovable from
what I know to be true.
what a wonderful wonderful reminder and lesson she gave to me yesterday. And as I
spent the rest of the day thinking about what she said.. I had this HUGE
burning in my soul that said.. you can do this! you can make it through this!
Everything will be okay and this will a great and wonderful thing you will cherish forever.
So that's it.. I just had to share that with you today. My heart is so full. I can't even
express to you how full my heart is. I know this trial isn't completely over..
but I have a new resolve to turn this trial into a time I can just soak in
learning and growth in my Testimony of what we as human beings are and should be.
Thanks for letting me share this with you!! I hadn't planned on blogging about this
today.. I know I have so many other things to share with you today.. but today
I just think I will leave this post as it is.
I want to also say THANK YOU.. so so many of you who email me on a daily basis with
your stories of courage and love and kindness. I have hundreds and hundreds of
friends that I have never met who give me hope and love and strength. I swear..
it happens so often that I will be feeling down about something or struggling
with something and I will get an email or a facebook message from someone I
don't even really know.. someone who reads my blog or has taken my class and
just shares with me something i NEED to hear.. it's amazing and truly beautiful
the Tender mercies the Lord gives us.. and how He works THROUGH us to help and
show HIs love to others.. amazing huh? I am also blessed with a TRULY amazing
family.. my husband is one in a million. We have had our share of trials.. but
wow. I could never imagine how truly Christlike someone could be. He is my hero
and I am in awe of who is is. My kids too.. they aren't perfect. They each
struggle with things this world throws at us. They sometimes fall and sometimes
have to pick themselves back up again.. but they have always been humble to
acknowledge their mistakes and then make the resolve to do better and be
better. just grateful for all the people in my life. My TRUES!!! I am truly
I hope today you feel how much I love you all. How much I truly believe that we are
good, wonderful women (and men). Who have so much potential in this life to be who we should
be. To live how we should be.. to remember that no matter how hard a trial may
feel or what mistakes we make.. we will come out stronger and better than we
did before.. if we will let it. love you all.. truly and honestly.. love you all.