I have broken this post down into two parts. Part two will go up Monday! xoxoxo
as many of you know, I have been suffering with Fibromyalgia for the past 3 years now. I think I had it a little here and there before that, but always just passed it off as being tired, having the flu or just not feeling good. But it wasn't until my dad passed away suddenly in 2010, when it just came in like a lion and hasn't let up since!
When I was first diagnosed, I had a really hard time accepting it. I had heard of fibro and i TOTALLY thought it was a made up disease.. like.. people.. come on, it's all in your head. Get off your lazy butt and do something with your life. Seriously.. that is what i thought. So after about 4 months of being a lot of pain and just thinking.. no, there has to be something REALLY wrong with me. I decided to spend some major $$$$ and have every test possible done. To rule out everything else... including cancer, lupus, you name it. Because I was sure it was a 'real" problem.. not fake one.
Well after a month of waiting for results from all the different specialist. The results came back.. negative. I remember when my doctor called and she said well, I have good news and bad news! Good news is, you are 100% healthy! not a think wrong with you. Bad news is you have Fibro and at the moment, no one knows what causes it and so there really isn't a cure. We just all have different ways, we as doctors, try and treat the pain. Sorry.
As with MOST LESSONS in my life.. one thing I know for sure.. when I think i know everything about something or someone.. and I have a judgement about it.. that's USUALLY when Heavenly Fathers will give me that trial.. to humble me and to bring me to my knees.. so that I can be more understanding, more kind, more empathetic. And it always seems to work. I am beginning to think it's the only way I learn :).
I was annoyed to say the least. But as the months went on, i learned how to deal with it. Mostly just with Tramadol and Tylenol. I had tried other things.. Lyrica, etc. But there were so many other side effects with those drugs and I always seemed to get them. So a non-narcotic pain med and tylenol just seemed to work best. I did a blog post a while ago.. like probably over a year or more about my life with fibro.. and what good days are like and bad days..so I won't go into that..but you can read about it here..
in this post I really just wanted to talk about what I have found recently that has helped! So as I mentioned, for about 2 and half years.. the tramadol and tylenol was the only thing that seemed to work and it seemed to work just fine. I would have my really "hard" days, as I would call them. The days I would wake up in so much pain, I couldn't move and I wanted to cry.. (which I had just about everyday).. BUT on these days, even a hot bath and a double dose of tramadol and Tylenol didn't work. So on those days, i would just lay in bed all day, or lay around the house. Try and watch tv or something to get my mind off the pain. The first few times I had those days. I would just lay in bed and cry all day. I would start to get worried that this was my new reality and I was going to wake up tomorrow feeling the same way and what if i did? and what if my life was going to be this way forever and nothing would help? I would get so upset and cry and cry all day long. Then I would wake up the next morning, in pain again.. but this time, a hot bath and my pain medication would work and I was up moving around, (always still feeling some what crappY).. but at least feeling what I call "normal" enough to work, be with my kids, etc. After a few months of having those days.. usually about every 2 weeks. I started to realize they WEREN't my new reality and It WOULD go away.. and life would be okay the next day. that today was just a BAD day.. and i needed to make the most of it and nurture my body. So I found ways to keep my mind from the pain.. watching tv, movies, reading books. anything to take my mind off the pain that hurt so bad I couldn't think! I would always.. and still do.. when I am having my "bad" days.. tell ben.. I wish someone would just punch me in the face.. because at least that would feel better than how I am feeling and my mind could focus on that pain instead of the constant numbing pain i know too well. nice huh? lol
Well so fast forward this past winter. I woke up one morning in January, and I had one of those "bad days", I had just talked about. I wasn't worried about it.. just seriously annoyed as I had a new online class starting in a few weeks and had planned that particular day to go over to the new/old house where my art studio was.. and film. But of course.. like in the past.. I was used to having to be flexible with stuff because you never know when bad days creep up and you just can't work or do anything. So I spent the day in bed, writing, sketching, preparing that way for the class.
Well the next day.. i woke up.. and was annoyed to find out.. that I was having another "bad day".. the hot bath, and pain meds.. didn't help at all. ANd I wasn't concerned.. I had been super stressed and just came home from a trip.. and I always have a bad day after traveling. So i figured my body was just having a major fit from all of that. Well day 3.. woke up.. the same. Day 4 woke up the same. After a week of this.. I started to panic. Like REALLY panic. I had no idea what was going on.. and I was started to think.. maybe this WAS my reality! By then I was EXHAUSTED.. being in constant pain for 7 days..seriously. I was so week, so tired.. my emotions were so horrible. I just wanted someone to shoot me in the head, not PUNCH me. SHOOT me in the head. I was becoming fast-ly depressed and going into a deep downward spiral. I remember by day 12 just crying and crying.. BEGGING my Father in Heaven to give me a sign, it wasn't my new reality. I was getting ready to cancel my online classes for that month and the next following months. How was I supposed to work when I could even walk to the bathroom without crawling there? I was scared and anxious too because THIS is how we support our family! My online classes, our kit club, our store. While ben ships and runs the warehouse.. it's the blog, the online classes, me traveling and teaching, that keeps us connected to our customers and lends to their AWESOME support of our family.
So I went to my doctor and he said.. it's just fibro. usually it gets worse and usually it gets to this point sometime in life. Since I didn't want to try re-taking those other meds.. there seemed to be nothing that I could do. THEN I woke up one day.. and had a GOOD DAY! My pain meds kicked in.. and I was freaking out! I seriously got dressed as fast I could, ran to my art studio and filmed ALL DAY LONG.. and night.. I didn't want to go to bed, because I was afraid the good day would end! I think I finally came home at 3 am.. and fell fast asleep.. feeling SO good I had accomplished SO much! Sadly enough, I woke up the next day.. feeling bad to the "bad" day again. I wanted to scream.> NO!!!!!!! please no!! that went on like that for a few weeks.. having a good day.. maybe once or sometimes even twice a week.. and I would seriously JUMP up.. didn't even worry about taking a shower, doing my makeup.. I didn't want to waste ANY minute of my precious day on things that didn't matter. I would head to the studio and film, I would plan a night out with my kids, I would run errands into town. It was like gold. We dropped EVERYTHING when I had a good day, because it was all I had and we didn't know if I would have another one anytime soon. I treated my good days like gold and was sOO thankful for them. Again.. I think my Father IN Heaven was just trying to teach me another lesson. To be grateful for the little things, to treat each day as if it's your last.. to take every moment possible doing what matters MOST. I really learned that over the next 3 months.
Also during that time I started researching EVERYTHING anyone had ever sent me about fibro. I think it's just common "brotherhood" in the fibro community.. that when you find something that works for you.. you want to share it with all your fibro friends! Well when I was first dealing with it.. and started being vocal on my blog and public about (2 and half years before).. I started getting all sorts of emails and letters from people suffering, telling me WHAT was working for them, what helped them, you name it. It was awesome! The not so awesome part was.. I just kinda filed them all away.. because at the time.. my pain meds were working just fine and I didn't have time to just try all these other things. I was kinda of a HUGE brat again. I mean seriously I would be like.. "oh thanks for that info".. but yea.. NEVER going to do it. Thanks for wasting my time. File away.
Remember how I said the Lord always sends me trials that humble me?? lol.. its just SOO TRUE!! I remember about 3 weeks into this terrible "bad day" i was having and saying to bed.. I am seriously desperate. AT THIS point.. I will DO ANYTHING. I just can't live like this! I can't!! I will kill myself If I have to. There isn't a point to life. We were right in the middle of fixing the New/old house.. and we decided maybe we just needed to move. We had heard San Diego, and Bend Oregon were great places for people with Fibro and were seriously considering just leaving our dream home and dream town.. and moving so I could live a somewhat normal life. I was desperate. BEN was desperate too. I think this entire thing was SO hard on him as well. It was about that time, I also remembered all the emails and notes people had sent me back 2 years before.. telling me of things they did that were working for them. So i started sorting through ALL of them and decided one, by one.. I was going to try each and everyone of them, in hopes something would work. There were so many good suggestions, eating gluten free, gutting out sugar, using Epsom Salt in hot baths, exercising, using essential oils. I started with the ones that seemed "less" weird to me. EPsom salt was the first one.The hot baths WITH the salt, really took away my immediate pain.. gave me at least an hour of relief.. enough to get me at least "UP".. not sleeping until 1 in the afternoon. But it didn't last all day.. Sometimes just an hour.. sometimes 3. I tried sugar free next.. and while it seemed to work for the first week.. helping a little with the pain (still not enough that I was up and out and about each day.. but at least helping deal with the pain, where pain meds weren't at all). But then i started going back into that DEEP pain again and so I would move onto the next thing.
I have no idea why.. but for some reason I kept putting off essential oils. I had known about them for years.. and so many people suggested them for so many things.. but this was one I would ALWAYS ALWAYS roll my eyes at and be like.. seriously? come on.. it's so fake. it's a huge gimmick playing out nicely for some rich man.. and I am not going to one of the stupid ones that fall into that trap. Again.. it's all in your head. Well I remember my close close friends kept saying.. YOU REALLY need to get zoned. My trues. They all lived in Utah and swore that zoning REALLY helped. I knew of someone locally in Shelley that did it. I had for years.. of course I thought she was a witch doctor and everytime someone would tell me they were getting zoned and it was helping them with something. I would think.. yea it's because it's the devil.. your selling your soul to the devil with all that crap.
Man I was such a jerk sometimes! lol. I really was a judgemental person. ANyhow.. I was desperate. I LOVED my friends.. they were my TRUES. They not only loved me and did not LIE to me about anything. They also all shared the same beliefs as me. The same religious beliefs and I thought.. you know what? If they are doing it.. it's probably not OF THE DEVIL. haha.. and seriously what would it hurt. SO I called the lady and made the appointment. I was expecting to pay this HUGE ridiculous amount.. because after all it was "fake". But the zoning only cost me $35.00. I was like what? thats pocket change when it comes to any sort of "doctor" visit? Anyhow I remember at first being kinda nervous and also just feeling weird about the entire thing. SO I was zoned.. which wasn't as weird as I thought it would be. Lol. I don't know what I was thinking.. I was thinking someone chanting and hanging bones above my body.. seriously. I am messed up sometimes. It was simple. She was SO sweet and kind and i felt like I was just in a doctors office. She just gently rubbed my feet and then afterwards went to her essential oils and mixed up a few and put them on my feet. She had accidentally made too much mix and so she put some in a roller bottle and gave it to me to use for later. And I was on my way. I was having a REALLY bad day. I almost actually cancelled the appointment because I didn't even want to drive there. But I can tell you.. within 10 mins of her putting the oils on.. I started to feel better but I also started to feel SUPER light headed, shaky, and just way week. I called my trues immediately. I was like.. is this normal? what's happening to me?? and they were like.. YES for some people it is. People who are really sick have a lot of toxins in them and the zoning and the oils help get those out. Same as they do with massage.. and that is why they say with BOTH to drink lots of water. SO I started downing water and within 20 mins I felt totally fine. AND I felt GOOD!! all day long! I was amazed! I didn't want to get my hopes up because you know. I could just be my mind playing tricks on me. But the next day I woke up, having a really bad day again, I took my hot bath, my pain meds and nothing. So I decided to use the oils she had given me again. This time I put them ON my body.. not just my feet.. and again.. withing 10 mins. Pain was bearable. I felt "normal" I decided to give it a week, because usually a week is when things stopped working.. and I was happy to find that not only did it help.. way beyond a week, but I noticed I started feeling better in other areas too. I still had "bad days' but they were getting less and less. I was starting to have MORE good days than bad days and that was a miracle! I had started feeling hopeful that my life would get back to "normal" again.. just the regular pain I was used to. So I made an appointment and went back to the zoning lady and said.. okay. I need to get some of these oils. Mine was pretty much gone and I was freaking out! So she made me up some more of the oils she had used.. and then she let me place an order using her account (she used both Doterra oils and young living and another brand name I can't remember). But at the time she was getting ready to place an order with Doterra, and said I could just tag my order along with hers. I could pay just the cost of it. So I got the four bottles that she had been using. Cinnamon, Cypress, Black Pepper and Frankincense. Then she gave me a sight to where I could go to buy jojoba oil, and roller balls. She suggested there were other oils that also work great for pain and so I ordered a few of those too. I started finding other oils that worked as well, started doing research on which oils help with pain, muscle aches, etc and would make up my own mixes, and they all would help! I rotated using them, so my body wouldn't get used to them and made sure I was drinking LOTS Of water. What I found with the oils was.. they were IMMEDIATE pain relief. I could wake up in the morning, feeling like I wanted to cry.. crawl out of bed. Take a hot bath with Epsom salt, and then have ben or my kids put oils on me. and within minutes I felt good enough to walk and get up. Then I would take my tylenol and tramadol and that would kick on about 30-45 mins later and then I could make it through my day. If I ever started to feel really crappy and pain meds wouldn't work. I would just use the oils and again.. instant pain relief. Usually the pain relief from the oils lasted about 1-3 hours. Depending on the day. Since i was putting everywhere there was pain. (usually my back, neck, shoulders, legs and arms). It wasn't really conducive to if I was just out and about, to stripped down to my skivvies and ask someone to rub me down with oils lol. So It became my routine of using them first thing in the morning and at night after I would get done with my work, and could slip into my pj's again. I had been ordering so much through the lady. One day, she was like.. why dont you just open an account? And you can order it whenever you want. It seemed like a HUGe hassle to open an account and do all the paperwork, but it soon became an even bigger hassle to be texting her all the time, ordering more stuff, waiting for it to arrive and then finding a time to come to her house when she wasn't with someone or was home and get it. One day I was on facebook and talking with a dear longtime family friend.. and she happened to be a consultant for Doterra too and she was like.. seriously.. it doesn't take that much time to open your own account. The ship like daily and you have it within days. You get it a wholesale and then you can get whatever you want anytime you want. So i finally just bit the bullet and went to the website and did it. I don't know why I thought it would be this huge process. Lol. It took me like five minutes. AND i can't tell you how ordering directly was SOO much better. My friend, said about a week after, I should start being a consultant because I had so many people that read my facebook page.. and I was telling people about the oils and if they started using them, they could sign up under me. I was like UM NO. lol. That is ONE thing I had never been interested in doing. DID NOT want to be apart of any kind of consultant, selling program. I just wanted to buy them for myself and that's it. So anyone that would email me asking me how to get them, and get them at wholesale, I would just refer them to her and she took care of them. I loved sharing my new found love of oils with the world.. just didn't want to start another business, when I couldn't even keep up with my own that I already had lol.
Anyhow, So I started looking into using oils more and more. not just for my pain. I started reading about how they are great for asthma (i have a son who has it really bad). Great for cold sores, great for when you get strep throat, or infections. So I pretty much bought just about every oil they had over a few months.. and now I use them DAILY for everything. I used them for pain, for sickness, for asthma, for allergies, for cold sores, for sunburns, for cramps, for upset stomachs, for helping me sleep, for helping me have energy. Use it on my kids, give it to friends, you name it! lol. I am a believer now.
And what's funny is whenever I tell people about oils, I get the SAME reaction from them, that I used to give to people. I can just see in their minds.. them thinking.. oh crazy lady.. oils are just a big gimmick. I have had many people kinda just blow me off, but the ones who don't.. use them and are amazed at how they help.
I had a friend recently find out she had fibro. She called me just in tears.. she was in the "new" mode.. where she was studing all about it.. figuring out where was the best place to live for it, etc. So I gave her some simple advice.
I said.. once people start to hear and know that you have Fibromylgia.. you will get a LOT of people who will give you awesome suggestions on things that work for them. Since we are all different, not everything works for everyone. Some may seem weird, or off and you will roll your eyes at them. If I could give ONE piece of advice.. Don't just throw the advice away. File it away somewhere. If they are emails, create a folder for them. If they are by word. write them down in a journal.
Because RIGHT NOW, you may not be in a place that you want to hear them.. that you even want to consider them. Right now you are only thinking it has to be fixable and that some drug is going to work and take care of it. (she was on several different medications already). But I said to her. SOMEDAy.. when things start to change and her body needs something new to work and what she is doing isn't working anymore. That she will be more open to trying things that don't seem so "conventional. She will be open to trying eating gluten free, or not eating certain foods, or using oils, etc. Someday when she was ready.. she would be grateful she had all those wonderful suggestions from people and would find something that would help and work for her. She wasn't ready for them right now. Right now the only thing that seemed to make sense were manufactured drugs. which I think are great too. BUt I could totally See HER in me. and just knew she wasn't ready to try stuff that seemed weird" or crazy, but someday, she would get to a point that she would be open to it and try it. and SOMETHING would work for her. Maybe not oils, Maybe it would be eating gluten free. But something would help and work.
ANother thing I found over the last three years are people without Fibro really have a hard time wrapping their heads around what we with fibro go through. LIKE ME, before I got fibro.. I know many people think its all in your head.. they roll their eyes and when someone says.. I can't today my fibro is too bad.. I have to cancel. They think? are you serious? holy crap. get over it.. Got off your lazy butt and meet us for lunch. Or Get to work. Seriously.. it's all in your heard. I have met MANY people like that.. and I just smile and love them. Because I used to be like that and I know how HARD It is.. sometimes to understand something that you can't know yourself. I mean it's easy for someone to say.. OH i have the flu and people are like.. OH that sucks.. YES stay in bed. We can do it another time. Why? because they have had the flu. But with Fibro, since there hasn't been a cause or a reason for it. and it's just truly a "chronic pain" disease.. people don't understand it. So I always just smile and think, its okay.
Its funny because I was recently having this conversation with my sister and one of my closest friends. My sister recently found out she might have Fibro.. and my good friend has been in Chronic pain for months. Both of them said to me.. you know, now I finally have a glimpse of what you are talking about when you talk about fibro pain and not being able to live a normal life. Not feeling good enough to even get dressed, or hang out with people. My sister said.. I used to just think to myself.. oh come on Christy.. get over it. It's in your head! She said now.. she is eating her words and totally understand that pain I have been in and was so sorry for ever judging me. I told her.. NO worries! lol. I totally get it! I used to be that way too..and for some people.. unless they are given that trial in life.. just don't ever get it and aren't sympathetic to others that do. I was one of those people.
Soo.. anyhow. That is my story about what has been happening with me over the last 6 months.
Monday, I will be posting the REST of this story (since this is a novel), And I will share with you ALL of the things.. (not just oils). that I have recently discovered and things that I have been doing for the past 3 years, that have worked for me. I share this with you NOT to tell you to run out and do them all. I Truly believe that what works for someone.. might not work for someone else. But I tell you them to share them with you.. so if you are at the point, where you are looking for something else. Or someday you might.. that MAYBE one of the things that work for ME.. might work for you. :)
So that is the only thing I hope to get out of this. To share with you.
So.. come back monday! I will have ALL of that listed here!
Thanks for letting me share my journey and my story.
You all are such a wonderful support to me! Just adore you all!