you know I have decided I am going to stop apologizing for being so absent on my blog this summer.. lol.. I REALLY AM!
I feel like every-time I post, I am apologizing and going on about how I feel bad and will do better. But then I don't. and honestly.. really truly? It's summer, I forget how busy things are with all 6 kids home, with camping trips and family reunions, and late nights, and early morning on the boat, not to mention things are so crazy busy right now with work.. getting ready for new classes and a new WEB show.. getting new product in the store.. and just everything, so while I had WONDERFUL intentions of posting a lot this summer on my blog, it's just hasn't been happening and instead of apologizing, I am going to be happy with what I can do. I know you guys and gals don't care.. so why do I beat myself up so much over it! ??
Today I wanted to share with you a couple of things.. just a thought I had this past week that has really been on my mind.
This past Sunday, we had a wonderful lesson in Young Womens (I am a young women's leader in my church and part of my time at church on sunday is spent with them). Tami, another leader, gave our lesson and it was just seriously, something I needed to hear so much. There was a story she told that just really hit me.. I want to share it with you.
She referenced a story/talk from an Elder in our Church, Elder Dieter F Uchtdorf, he is the 1st counselor of our Church (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints). It was a talk he gave a few year ago, during a General Conference meeting that was being held worldwide. The talk was entitled "A matter of a few degrees". He is a pilot and always has a lot of interest in things that have to do with his passion. Flying. In this talk he told of a true story. He talked about a plane with 257 people on board that had just left New Zealand and were on their way to a sight seeing trip to Antarctica. Unkown to the pilots, someone had accidentally modified the flight coordinates by a mere 2 degrees, which in turn placed the experienced pilots off course a short 28 miles to the east of where they assumed they were. It was snowing and there were lots of clouds.. and so as they descended on one part of their trip, to where they assumed was "flat Land, they had no idea that they were actually flying straight into Mount Erebus, an active volcano in the Antarctic's that is over 12000 feet high. Because of the snow and clouds they didn't see the snow and ice covered volcano.. and by the time it was too late, and their plane start alerting them they were approaching elevated ground, they couldn't turn back and hit the side of the volcano killing everyone on board.
As I listened to this story.. it really hit me that sometimes.. choices that we make..no matter how small they may seem, can really get us off course of where we actually want to be.
It really made me think that small things DO matter. What I took from the story and her lesson was that sometimes in life, we decide to make choices, or start habits, or even just "put up" with things in our life.. that we know are not what we should be doing or maybe good but the not the BEST thing for us. And while they are small, and that particular consequence may be small, if we keep off course and keep making those choices or those decisions, we will soon find our self soooo far off course, it may seem almost impossible to come back.
I can apply this to SO many things in my life. Take for instance my new "weird" addiction to cherry pepsi.. I do NOT drink pop. I just don't. I have never really ever drank it. If we are at a party or eating out.. I will ALWAYS opt for water over pop. I just don't like it, never have.. I hate the carbonation.. hate how it makes me feel.. it hurts my stomach, makes me gassy.. makes me gain weight. So I just always opt for water, or lemonade.. or something else.. something without carbonation in it. Well a couple of weeks ago, we traveled down with our friends to see Kenny Chesney in concert and on the way we stopped at the gas station to get some snack for the 3 hours trip. I decided.. out of sheer.. wanting to be different, I would get a cherry pepsi. Cola for some reason sounded good and I LOVE cherries. So I got one. Another things you should know.. is that I also don't really drink caffeine.. more of a personal choice than anything... but I find it addicting and have seen friends who have really come to depend on it to just get through the day, or to even start their morning? I have ALSo been around friends who were trying to STOP the caffeine addiction and let me tell you.. it' is NOT a pretty thing! wow.. if you ever want to see a grouchy person.. take away their caffeine for a day! lol. crazy.
Well I found that day that I actually LOVED the taste of cherry pepsi.. and even MORE so in a fountain drink. I found that the carbonation in the fountain pop.. didn't bother me as much as the a pop from the can or the bottle. It didn't bother my stomach as bad either. So that night, at the concert, I got another one.. then the next day on the way home.. another. But it didn't stop there, the next day at home, I found myself heading to the gas station half way through the day to get myself a cherry pepsi.. and then the next day and the next.. it was becoming a habit.. and not always a BAD habit.. but one that I personally did not want to have. For so many reasons. Well now it has now been almost a week and half and EVERYDAY I have found myself going to the gas station (only a block away.. which doesn't help).. and getting myself a fountain "cherry pepsi". It started out a small 16 ounces cup and yesterday I found myself going for the big 64 ouncer! Holy cow Christy!! I have almost convinced myself now, that I NEED one.. it's my "treat" and that I can't make it through the rest of the afternoon without it. I am a dork.. I know. but around 2:30 I find myself thinking.. oh I better go get a cherry pepsi, so I can make it through the rest of the day! AND not to mention I know it's causing me to have stomach pains.. AND not to sleep very well at night because of the caffiene AND of course I KNOW the sugar is not good for my diabetes.. but now i fear I am hooked. Something I really didn't want and DON"T need in my life right now.. specially with my fibro.
My point is this.. the first time I got one.. I didn't think ANYTHING of it.. it wasn't something i planned on doing again.. just wanted something different that day.. just one degree of course of where I normally was. NOW.. a week and half later.. I find myself almost counting down the minutes to when I can go get my dang cherry pepsi.. and really truly why? seriously do i need it? No.. is it healthy for me? no.. and while I realize it won't KILL me.. it's just something I have never wanted to do. Drink pop or caffeine, and now i find myself needing both. Dumb dumb dumb.
So that might be a lame example.. but hopefully you get my drift.
We all have things we want out of life.. what we dream for, what we hope for.. sometimes we don't even know what those things are.. but we have a plan. We surround our self with things that would keep us on the plan and those dreams and hopes. Things that are good and right and true. But sometimes, something might come into our life.. maybe a distraction of some sort.. not always a bad distraction either.. that seems OH so good and totally fine.. or something we might want to try.. so we do. We get distracted with it.. and before we know it.. we are not only 1 step off course.. we are 28 steps off course from where we wanted to be and we find ourselves unhappy and wondering why we are where we are and how we got there. AND how in the HECK did that one little thing.. end us up RIGHT here? Oh and let me tell you. it's a LOT harder to go back 28 steps, than it is just ONE.
I know part of this process is learning and growing and we all are here on this earth to do that. To make mistakes or to make choices.. and see which one is good and which one is better. And NOT all distractions are bad either? But sometimes.. just because something is GOOD for us.. doesn't mean it's the BEST thing for us. Sometimes we have to walk away from something good.. for something that is better.
Last summer, I was going through some hard things, decisions and struggles and trials. One of course was my dad's death.. but even before that, there were other things too. I was really struggling with some choices I had to make.. because from the outside, they seemed so good! They were things that made me happy, stuff I was spending my time doing that seemed good and all-right. But the more I got into them, the more I realized that while they were good and happy things.. they were not the BEST things for me at that time. That they were getting me off course from where I wanted to be... as a mother, a friend, a wife.. a daughter. That even though they were good, I needed to leave them behind and choose the things that were better. WHich isn't always east. And it's not always easy to know which is the BETTER.
Well as I was going through this, I got to spend some time with one of my True's, one of my besties.. Melody Ross.We were at CHA in Chicago.. and sharing a room together and we got to have some really long GOOD talks. After one of our long talks.. the next day.. she wrote me a Brave Girl daily Truth. If you don't know what these are.. they are daily emails she and her sister send out from their Brave Girls Club website. Just daily bits of inspirations and words of wisdom. Truly love them. Well, that day, she had woke up and written one just for me.. it of course went out to the thousands of people who subscribe to those emails.. but she told me later that morning that it was meant for me. She knew about the decisions i was having to make.. and knew I needed a little tough love. This is what she wrote..
Dear Uncommon Girl,
Sometimes the very bravest thing we can ever do is to walk away from
something that we want very very very much, but that we know deep in
our gut is not meant for us. The other side of this brave decision,
is the holding tight to something else that is scary or humdrum or
not quite what we thought we really wanted...but that we KNOW deep
in our gut is our own divine path...the path to our most incredible,
The really wonderful consequence of making these kinds of decisions is
that little by little....sometimes really fast and sometimes really
slow.....that scary or humdrum thing somehow transforms into the most
incredible, beautiful, miraculous and PERFECTLY IMPERFECT and joyful
thing that we could EVER imagine....in fact, we usually can not even
BEGIN to imagine how perfect this thing is going to become if we just
step out on that scary and sometimes very painful leap of faith. Life
has a way of making something very tremendous out of something
inconceivably boring or scary.
That's what bravery is, lovely friend.....it is deciding what to let go
of and what to hold on to......no matter how it feels in this moment...
knowing that you are giving up something very very good for something
OH SO MUCH BETTER.....the BEST in fact.......having faith that when you
listen to your heart, no matter how scary or disappointing the news it
has to give you....that EVERYTHING will ALWAYS work out beautifully in
the end when you make brave choices that are YOUR RIGHT CHOICES.
You know what it is....and you can do it.
Love you forever.xoxo
After I read that message.. I seriously cried.. because I know what she was saying was true. I KNEW that I had to get back on path.. that while sometimes that path may seem "humdrum" or boring.. and the little step I take off to the left or the right.. seems SO much more exciting.. that the PATH that is true.. and what is best. AND that actually it IS the thing that can bring us the most happiness. the most joy, the most comfort. And that it's not always easy to take steps back... after you have gone 17 steps off the the left.. and need to come back 16 of them to get back on track. But the crazy and beautiful things is we can.
I'm not really sure the point of this whole post, it probably doesn't make much sense either, but I guess lately I have just been trying to really put into perspective which things are GOOD for me and which things are BEST. Because sometimes those good things.. can start to to take me off course and I don't even know it.. until I am so far off course, I sometimes get scared I don't know how to get back. Does that make sense?
I sometimes wish I always made perfect decisions.. or that I didn't have to suffer the consequences of not soo good ones.. but I have realized that that is what makes life wonderful. The ups and the downs.. the mistakes and the comebacks.. it's what MAKE US as a beautiful person.. it allows us to be sympathetic and empathetic and caring and loving and kind.. because we have been there and can relate and can console and can help others find their way back on course too.
So that's it.. just a wonderful lesson from Tami... that turned into a moment I really needed. Maybe sometimes I think too much. But I hope that I don't.
Well.. tomorrow we are leaving out of town for the weekend on a family campout. Im not even going to SAY that I hope to get something creatively done for this blog before I leave, because if I am at all honest... i just wont. Sorry.. just wont. This week I was supposed to be at CHA.. in Chicago. I always.. go.. infact I haven't NOT gone in 8 years. I go to see the new products coming out for our kit club and now our store. I also go to catch up with all my wonderful artsy friends in the industry, to connect, to enjoy them. It's always a good thing for me. Ben goes with me most of the time. But this time, I just felt like I should stay home, WE BOTH felt like we should stay home and spend that time with our family instead. It was a tough decision. Our plane tickets were already bought.. our hotel already reserved. But it felt right. That was part of staying on the path. I Gave up ONE good choice.. for something better.. you know? So we are leaving tomorrow.. and I can't wait to just be with my kids and hubby. Spend time on the boat, playing games, sitting around the campfire eating smores and tin foil dinners, reading books, maybe even some fishing? We need it. Our family is so busy, we need to reconnect. So i am excited. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend too.. YOU Deserve it!