Life Lessons- falling of the nice wagon and getting back on..

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter was having a really hard day. I could tell she was stressed, she was crying over everything.. but then she went and made a bad decision that she knew she would get into trouble for, so in an attempt to maybe give her some time to think about it.. and simmer down. I grounded her to her room until she took a nap and came back a little bit "nicer" person.  
My kids don't have their own cell phones, but we do have 2 "kids" cell phones, that we ask them to take if they are going to be at  friends house, or running around the neighborhood  so we can get a hold of them. Allie apparantly thinks one of them is hers, because she always has it  and within a few minutes I got a text from her and it was SOOO nice not. She had definitely fell off the nice wagon. I won't go into detail what it said.. but I was kinda shocked! lol. I NEVER EVER spoke to my mom that way when I was her age.. and I certainly never ever said those words. I actually laughed out loud and said to my husband.. she must REALLY be having a bad day.  Within a few seconds I had another text and another and another.. one right after the other.  Just getting meaner and meaner.. and I was like WOAH!.. okay I had had enough.I was shocked and kind hurt too!  I asked my youngest son to go up to her room and wait outside the door. I then texted her back (my first reply) and told her to please put the phone outside of the door on the floor because she was no longer allowed to use it if she was going to be so mean. So she did.. and about 20 minutes went by and then I was delivered this letter by my son...

 
 

As you can see.. she was instantly sorry.. apologizing for what she said.. THIS was the girl I knew.. but I was still kinda shocked and a bit disappointed at how she had acted. I needed time to cool off too before I let her come out of her room. Well long story short.. she fell asleep for the night and the next day she came down and gave me apologies and loves and all was good in the world again.... and she was back on the nice wagon.  I thought a lot about the day before and about how honestly disappointed I was that she had said all of those things. I don't care how mad you are, or how angry you are.. you never speak that way to someone. You just don't. I wasn't raised that way and I didn't raise HER that way.

Well.. fastfoward to last week..  It was Tuesday.. and  It was NOT a good day. I was stressed because we were trying to get the store live, i was trying to finish all my videos and content for the Debut of the She Art Workshop, trying to work on family things and church things.. feeling like I was being pulled in a million directions and I was EMOTIONAL!!  In the midst of it all.. I received an email that kinda just sent me over the edge. Anyone that knows me.. KNOWS that I try really hard to bit my tongue.. EVEN if I am frustrated.. but it seemed like lately.. I was lashing out more and more and just putting how I felt out on the table.. and not always in a nice way. Don't know if it was stress, lack of sleep, not saying my prayers enough.. who knows.. but It was not good. Well on this particular day, when I got the email I mentioned before.. I just lost it! I fell off the nice wagon. I didn't even take a minute to process the email, or think about it.. I didn't even take the time to go to my computer (i read it from my phone).. I just pushed reply and let my mouth run off like a wild horse! It was bad.. REALLY bad. And then I pushed SEND.  Oh CRAP.. what did I just do.. I had just wrote the most awful  email ever and I DO NOT treat people that way. Well she replied back and of course, it sent me over the edge again.. but this time, I reacted like my daughter had and I replied and pushed send.. and then replied and pushed send again... I think I hit reply and "Send" at least 4 times and I swear I had diarrhea of the thumbs!!! WHen it was all said and done I had sent 6 emails in the course of 2 minutes all from my phone (My thumbs were typing as fast I could.. and I was shaking so bad I could hardly breath). I had REALLY fell off the nice wagon. Not just fell off, I sprang off.  And I felt SICK about it. I instantly texted my closest friends.. and said "oh crap.. I just fell off the nice wagon what should I do?  I felt SICK. TERRIBLE. and I was now 10 minutes late for a CHURCH meeting. NIce.  So I put my phone in my pocket and rushed to my meeting. I was supposed to be there, having fun with the Youth in My ward and  All I could think about the entire time is this poor person, reading these emails and how rotten it was of me to even THINK those things.. let alone say them. It was frustrations I had with her over the last 3 months, that just kept building and building until finally I had broke. But I was not taught to be this way. I actually couldn't stop thinking about MY own parents.. my dad.. and how disappointed he was at the moment.. looking down at me from Heaven.. I just wanted to get on my knees and pray and ask for forgiveness. I felt sick.

The minute I got home, I sent her an email and told her how awful I had been and how no one deserved to be treated that way.. no matter the circumstances. I told her I was sorry and I was. TRULY.

It seriously took me a couple of days to get over this. To finally feel like I was back on the nice wagon again. This girl never replied. Back. I don't blame her. I would never want to speak to me again either.  but it brought back the thoughts I had had when my daughter had diarhhea of the thumbs too just a few weeks earlier. How she had sent me those texts.. one right after the other.. I had remember thinking how I couldn't not BELIEVE she was talking to me that way.. that she would act that way and how disappointed I was in her. It was a HUGE lesson to me, that no one is immune to falling off the nice wagon and that we all make mistakes and we are not perfect. But we are expected to make good on those mistakes and try to never do them again. I am not perfect. Never have been.. and this was a GREAT lesson for me.. I never EVER want to feel that sick to my stomach again, I never want to make another person feel so awful.. I don't care how frustrated I am. No one EVER deserves it.

So.. this week I have been working really hard to climb back on the nice wagon.. and feel LIke I deserve to be there.. I am glad that I can. Glad that we have this thing called "forgiveness". That we aren't expected to be perfect.. and when we do fall off that wagon of all things good.. we can make it better and find our way back on.

thanks for letting me share! wasn't sure I wanted to post about this.. but its just something I have really been thinking about this week. It has also reminded me that I need to be more forgving of others too.. like my daughter. And realize that others may fall of the nice wagon once in a while and that those were probably NOT their true intentions. and just as I asked to be forgiven, I need to forgive others too and forward them that same love and courtesy. We are all just human. I  hope my daughter doesn't mind that I wrote this about her.. She is one of the most kindhearted and generous people I know. Truly.  Well that's it. Just a simple life lesson I learned this past week. Thanks for letting me get that off my shoulders.
Happy Thursday!

Comments

[Jones sabo this kind of design is not only distinguished whe]

I consider something genuinely interesting about your blog so I bookmarked .

[kate blue]

been there done that...but I always agree that sometimes our young children fall off the nice wagon too easily & aren't made to think about who they hurt...my daughter is certainly trying it -testing the waters...she was sent to bed at 7:20pm one night last week (along with the boy child too cause they couldn't/wouldn't think about their words and actions) and my friends thought they were gonna have to send in the rescue team! All was fine the next day but sometimes it DOES boil down to fatigue and just plain old overload. We are all human :)

[Bambi Pro]

I loved that you shared this story. I think it is good that we all hear we are not alone. I also have had that sick feeling and diarrhea (bathroom kind). Thank you so much for sharing. I think I will now start climbing back on the nice wagon. Thank you!

[Kathy]

First of all, the class is awesome and it is so obvious you put a ton of work into it so thank you for that and I can understand how that would make you stressed (as well as your very cool store that I have spent too much money in). You seem like a very sincere nice person in the snippets we see here and on the videos. It takes a strong, good person to find fault with themselves and act to correct it. How many times to we all do thinks like that and fail to immediately correct it. I am proud of you (and your daughter) and will work to do a better job of this myself.

[Theresa Kiihn]

Thank you for sharing that story. I hope sharing it helped you. I also hope the person on the other end of the email battle sees this or somehow decides to give you a note of grace. I'm pretty sure we've all been there - I know I have!

[Amee]

This is the problem with all this instant texting and getting emails. You don't take a moment to breath and THINK before you DO. These phones with all the instant, I think are truly ruining society.

[Medeah]

Wow! I needed to read that. I think we have all been there, Christy. You are human my dear. We are all human. You're right that we shouldn't ever treat people like that, but the fact that you recognized it and learned from it and asked God and the person for forgiveness is the right thing to do. God has forgiven you and the other person might too. I have told so many people about your blog and how I can tell from just reading your posts what a sweet spirit you have. Kids do the craziest things sometimes and so do adults, but I think it's good for kids to see that their parents aren't perfect and make mistakes and then to see how their parents handle their mistakes. You're daughter made a mistake, but then did the right thing and so did you. You're a good Mom and a blessing to others. Hugs.

[Carol Miller]

I think anyone with a teenager, knows the diarhhea of the thumbs. I love how you coined that phrase. In this age it is very easy to txt things in the heat of the moment and then have regrets of our actions. i have been there too. And like you feel terrible and apologize. i have learned when these things happen via txt. I turn my pnone off until i can be clear thinking again. Would rather let my light shine,,even when it's difficult. thanks for sharing.

[Janna]

Thanks for sharing this, Christy.

[geng]

thank you for sharing. it's a learning experience not only to you but to us, and we can just be thankful that no matter how not perfect we are, there is a God who is always forgiving us and puts us back in the nice wagon.

[Holly Takatsuka]

Christy, you are not alone. It happens to all of us and I appreciate your words so much to let us know that WE too are not alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences and insight.

[Nancy Wyatt]

Thank you for having the courage to share this with us! I have been there done that and felt sicker than sick about it. We are all human and sometimes we fall off the wagon. Glad you are feeling better, you seem like an amazing person and so lesson learned and move on with your creative, sweet self! Hugs from Conroe, TX!

[Becky H]

Christy,
What a good post. My youngest (10) and my oldest now living at home (21) have once a month NOT NICE DAYS. I just get into it with them and we go back and forth and then I have to stop and say to myself that I am the parent and they should not talk to me that way, but we all have those days. I now just give both my daughters and myself those few days to just BE. We all enjoy each other much better.

We all are forgiven, because each of us is doing this for the first time no matter how may children or friends you have, everyone is different.

Hugs,
Becky

[Cherie Wilson]

I imagine some days God esteems the AUTHENTIC girls every bit as much as the "nice ones", sweet Christy! Thankyou for your honest heart. touches many:)
Sending Love! Your class is divine!! XO

[Erin Ummel]

Thank you so much for being brave enough to post this! Sending loving thoughts to you! I have fallen off the nice wagon many a time myself...thankfully, God forgives us every time!

[tina]

You know that being transparent and letting the icky stuff GO is what it takes to kick the trash to the curb!!! What you are right now is fresh and pure! Just fill that space up with the good stuff. Thanks for being so open, it does help everyone remember that bad days come along and we can react to them in several ways. Most importantly we can remember that our last words don't have to be our final word on the subject. Hope that you're going to have a fabulous week!!!!!!!!!! And lots more on down the road!!

[Marilyn Johnson]

Christy, YOU are such a good person and a wonderful example for all of us. I fell off the nice wagon just in the past few hours but you post has helped me rethink my behavior and hop back on!

[Toni K]

Oh Christy. I'm so glad you forgave yourself. I too have had diarrhea of the mouth, fingers, and thumbs. It makes you feel so awful. I think everyone can relate. The important thing is you apologized and have forgiven yourself. Sometimes that's the hardest person to forgive :) And it sounds like you are doing a great job with your children. Seeing their mom aplogize and admit to being wrong sometimes helps. Thank you for sharing.

[Susan G]

Oh Christy, Remember that it takes courage to do the right thing...to apologize and forgive, not just others, but yourself as well.
I, like you, try very hard to be nice to everyone. That makes it hard though when you need to stand up for yourself. People don't understand why you have "changed" and the relationship becomes strained. You did the best that you could in both of those situations, given what was going on in your life at the time.
Know in your heart that this was just a temporary set back and that you are human and God forgives that humaness.
Be comforted in knowing that you are back on the right path.
And remember that you are an awesome Mom.
Sending prayers your way that the stress subsides and peace reigns.

[Cim Allen]

My poor husband seems to take the brunt of my "not nice" times .. it's not so much words I say, but just my fly off the handle quick flashes of anger. I love the expression " fall off the nice wagon" :) We're all good people, for the most part we all just need to be alittle more understanding and forgiving. Happy Friday