I was thinking about something this weekend, how I think we all go through different stages in our life as far as wants and needs in relation to friendships.
There are a lot of different types of friendship: Family, husbands, girlfriends, other couples
I have noticed over the couple of years that my relationships with my siblings have grown strong and stronger and specially since my dad passed away and have turned into some of my strongest "friendships". I love that my family has become some of my closest friends. It's a huge blessing.
I have also had a really strong friendship with my husband. I mean how can I not? We have worked together 24/7 in our home.. for almost our ENTIRE marriage. Out of 17 years of marriage, we have only worked part for 3 of those years. We have always owned our business and worked out of our home. So he is definitely my best friend.
I love that I am also developing a strong friendship with my daughter ALlie as well. I didn't live with my mom growing up and while I have always had a strong relationship with her.. I missed out on that everyday mother/daughter bond, that just happens naturally when you live together. Being that ALlie is my only daughter, it's been so cool and fun to watch my friendship with her grow. She really is an amazing person.
My husband and I also have some great friends we just absolutely adore. We go out on double dates and on family trips with them and their kids. It's nice to have people who live by you that you can do things with for just mere fun. We consider them family really. And though we don't get to do something every weekend or sometimes don't talk for weeks.. we have an amazing friendship with them and it's just what we need.
But really what I wanted to talk about was my friendships outside of my family. I have also noticed that over the last couple of years I have seen myself becoming more of a home body and not the "outgoing" party girl I used to be. I say Party girl (which I don't drink or go to bars or dance clubs).. and in the "worldly" sense I know what that refers too, but what I am referring to is that I used to be the one in the neighborhood who called all the other moms at 9:00 PM and said.. HEY! Lets' go to a movie! or go get something to eat.. (not literally party girl.. just the fun girl). I mean I did like almost 2 or 3 nights a week! I loved to do shopping trips with friends or just go to the mall or meet up for lunch. I was super outgoing and always wanted to be out doing something.
But lately, I have just really realized how my needs for things like that have changed. I love staying in, I love being with my kids, with my husband. I work all day at home, and at night I just like to veg, recoup or even just have quiet time! I love going to barnes and Noble with Allie or by myself. No need for interaction And I wonder is that bad? I have some really REALLY strong friendship with a few friends that live far away and few that live close and while we don't talk on the phone everyday or even text or email. I have this close bond with them. YOu know? This unspoken true friendship. I call them my True's.
To me that means a lot of things. To me that means that they love me no matter what, that they don't judge me if I make mistakes but they do tell me when I do. It means that I can tell them ANYTHING and they can give me honest, true advice, good or bad and I will take it to heart. It means I can go 3 weeks without sending them an email or text or posting on their facebook wall (or them to me)and they still know I love them and they aren't mad or upset or wondering if something is wrong between us because I haven't.
It means security and safety and love. It means that they can trust ME with anything. and I have noticed it is EXACTLY what I need right now. It's funny how when our needs change, that those needs to just seemed to be filled? Right?
I feel bad actually that I am not that same outgoing person I was a few years ago, I mean don't get me wrong, I still love to go out, I am still the goofy one when we get together, but it's just not as often and I am okay with it. I don't feel a need for it. I don't need to have that interaction on a daily basis.. and I used to wonder.. if that was bad? or if something was wrong with me? ANd I don't think it is. I think we all need different things at different points in our life and it's okay for those needs to change. It's hard sometimes when needs change for you and not someone else who you are close too, because it's hard for either you or them to understand that change. It's like this: I care about my friends no matter what.. no matter HOW Much OR HOW Little time I spend with them. I can go 6 months without talking to someone or seeing them and when we do, it's just as if we hadn't ever been apart. And I am okay with that. I understand that. But that doesn't mean it is always understood on both ends. Its a hard change or transition to get through. But I think we can only do what we can do. Is that a bad thing? I dont know? I don't think so. I think it's great when people have friendships where they get together everyday, or call each other everyday.. it's amazing! I love it. I admire it! I think it's absolutely wonderful. But I don't have that same need and I used to think I was a poor friend because of it. That I was a bad friend. but I have realized over the last few months, that I'm not.I I just have different needs and my true's, the ones who love me no matter what, know that and get that. and it's okay. They love me no matter what.
No matter what stage of life we are in.. I think it's exactly where we should be. And we will find friendships that fill those needs. We may loose some on the way too, which is hard. SO hard because you love those, but their needs will be met by other wonderful people who are met to be in THEIR life at that time as well. I love that I have those people in my life right now that I DO need, that get me for me. and allow me to be myself. I love it. It's a blessing. Always a blessing. and it's not coincidence. I never believe in chance. I know everything happens for a reason. just wanted to share that.
Hope you have some true's in your life. I am so greatful for mine.
Wow Christy...this post is AmAzInG because I kinda feel the exact.same.way! **LOVE**!!!!!
Posted by: Debbie Corbari | April 12, 2011 at 07:02 AM
Christy..>I am so thankful that you wrote this. There have been many, MANY times where I have sat here wondering WHAT on earth did I do wrong to lose certain friends?? I actually had a friend FLAT out say to me..."Our friendship just doesn't have as much importance as it did in college." She was my best friend too....so I'm still reeling from the hurt. It just seems that ever since I moved 3,000 miles away, she hasn't really wanted to try very hard to stay in touch. Even this past year for Christmas, it's like she didn't even want to send me a card.....she sent me this harsh text demanding my address. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I didn't right away. Anyway, long story short, I did get the Christmas photo card, but it hurt because I felt like she really didn't want to send it to me in the first place. I finally decided to just "let her go" and I deleted her from FB. It was hard, but since then I have not yet heard from her. I still can't believe I did that, but I felt like I needed to do it to move on with my life. She just had me wondering constantly, what I did to deserve such a harsh statement, and made me feel so horrible about myself. However, since I have done that, I've tried to focus on the friends who do make a difference and do make me smile. I figured I didn't need to focus on a person who made me feel so badly. You know? Anyway,
Thank you for your inspiring words!! I might just have to print it out as a daily reminder to focus on those who truly matter.
By the way, I absolutely loved your workshop!!! Thanks for the chuckles!!! (((Hugs))) You're an amazing person and artist!!
Posted by: Amy Walker | March 19, 2011 at 11:27 AM
Love this post and the wonderful photos of you!
I agree with what you have said and others have written. HAve a wonderful weekend!
Posted by: Jean Marmo | March 18, 2011 at 01:36 PM
Dear friend
My sympathies, comes through an award. I show the Japanese people of my concern ... for now is my little drop of water in a small bird's beak incedio in the forest, but is the part that fits me. See on my blog, put in your if you wish.
Posted by: Neusinha Fusco | March 18, 2011 at 07:26 AM
I so get this. and I thought it was just me that felt this way. Thanks so much for this, my heart opened a bit more.
Posted by: JaYne | March 17, 2011 at 08:56 PM
You and your sisters really, really look alike! Your daughter does, too!! What fun!!
Posted by: joni possin | March 17, 2011 at 10:08 AM
Christy, Oh how I relate to this post. I have had friends that have come and gone, met new friends and then the ebb and flow starts again. Right now in my life I don't have a friend that I get together with on a frequent basis. My TRUE best friend is my husband of 23 years and I enjoy that he will always be there for me. I have been deeply hurt by 'a best friend' and right now in my life I like being me and staying home. My husband is the same and some days we just want to be in our house together and I think that is amazing. To feel comfortable in the skin you are in at that time in your life is something to cherish. Not many people ever get that feeling. I am enjoying being me! I am also enjoying your workshop and can't wait for the next one. Thanks for the post and keep on doing what you are doing because it is awesome.
Posted by: Becky H | March 17, 2011 at 09:38 AM
Christy,
you have not only your "trues" and your friends, but a plethora of us out here who think you are amazing-- Who are what we are today BECAUSE we "met" you, whether online or IRL. Your workshop, right on the heels of Soul Restoration 1 was such a great tandem experience, and really allowed us to see two amazing women really give to others. Thank you, as always, for being you and being brave enough to share her with the world. The world needs you, an your art.
Posted by: whispersandwishes | March 16, 2011 at 06:02 PM
Loved your post...your very lucky! Great pics of you too, your so cute! A comp in a gf way not a weird way..kwim? LOL
Posted by: Laura-Lee | March 16, 2011 at 05:56 PM
Christy, I'm exactly like you - I've been wondering lately if I stay home too much and work on my projects when I should be out there 'having lunch' with friends, etc. I'm older than you, and believe me, I've done all that in the past. This is a time in my life I'm loving because I get to do what I want to do. So freeing and so much fun. This class has been the best I've ever taken online. I've loved it so much! You are a thoughtful and very kind person, and I've learned so much from you. Not only artsy things, but living things, too. Thank you so much, Christy!
Posted by: Claudia Small | March 16, 2011 at 08:52 AM
Thank you, Christy. You have just written my life's story. As you get older, you appreciate the "trues" more and more.
Posted by: Dorothy F | March 16, 2011 at 07:45 AM
Christy, I love the thoughts in this post. The older we get, the more meaning this has. You are richly blessed to have family and such good friends around you.
Posted by: Jane Hakes | March 16, 2011 at 03:35 AM
You got it Christy !! I like the quote that ties right into this..."People come into our lives for a reason or a season" At almost 54... I have seen many seasons and know why each person came into my life. I am blessed by your words. IT is so very true. Our TRUES just get us !! I know you came into my life for a reason. You gave me wings Christy. You and your art have lifted me out of my grief and set me flying !!! xoxoxoxox...Kristy
Posted by: Kristy T. | March 15, 2011 at 09:07 PM
I appreciate you sharing this. I have often thought that I was abnormal because I was content raising my Family & not making a humongous effort on the Friend front. I think you are Amazing & you Inspire me in so many ways. I Love that You & Ben have such a wonderful Friendship & can work together & be together 24/7...that is a very Rare gem. I don't think Friendships should take a lot of work. I know they need Love & nurturing...BUT if they don't come easy with little or No Drama than really is that what we need to Focus our precious spare time & energy on!?! You always manage to give me a super clear new perspective on exactly what I need. Thank You For always staying True to yourself!!! I Sure love You Gorgeous Girlie!
xoxoxo
Posted by: Lori Smith | March 15, 2011 at 08:29 PM
I am glad I am not the only person that feels the way you do. I use to like bring out with my friends and always on the go, but now I'd be cool not to the leave the house. My husband doesn't understand the friendship I have with three very special girls. One girls we text more than we call and do gr together at least once a month, the other girl I see at Inspired in May and if were lucky once in the summer, but when we get together it's as we saw each other the day before. My last and dear friend I have never met in person. We send really long winded emails and keep in touch on FB and we met on Etsy. I have that true special bond with these three beautiful women.
Posted by: Erika Davison | March 15, 2011 at 08:05 PM
Thank you for being so open and sharing. It gave me a gentle reminder of my trues, who have all passed over. I call them Soulfriends.
Posted by: Dianne | March 15, 2011 at 07:45 PM
p.s.
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the photo of you and Allie!!
Posted by: Julie Parmer Hosley | March 15, 2011 at 07:06 PM
ooxx
i am blessed enough to have some "true's"....and am forever grateful.
this post spoke straight to my heart.
i do believe my truest of true's are my husband and children and of course my relationship with God.
sending you love
k
Posted by: kolleen | March 15, 2011 at 07:05 PM
Love you sweet, sweet friend. You make my heart so happy. Truly.
Posted by: Julie Parmer Hosley | March 15, 2011 at 07:02 PM
can i just say i absolutely *adore* you and what you stand for dear girl!! you and jeanne are the most inspiring girls i {know}...SO hoping one day to meet up with you and tell you in person what your workshop has meant to me!!
XO
kristin
Posted by: kristin | March 15, 2011 at 06:31 PM