Beautiful Heartbreaks...

okay... so it's been a while since I wrote a seriously blog post.. hopefully this is okay :)..but it's been in my mind lately..

when I was at CKU a couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure of listening to Hilary Weeks give the Opening Keynote Speech. She is also a singer and songwriter.. has many CDs published in the Christian market, as well as travels and does motivational speaking with her music.

I also got to talk with her a bit afterwards and have since talked to her on the phone too. She is just truly a wonderful and positive person. A friend for life.. that is for sure!  Her message at CKU was so beautiful. It was basically about being positive and finding the good in everything.. even in heartbreaks.

As I sat and listened to her sing and talk (she did a lot back and forth ).. I just really reflected on my own personal life of all the "heartbreaks" I have had over the last few years.. and even throughout my life and wondered if I have always seen the good in them or if I still look back at them as a one of those experiences I wished had never happened. I mean I can go back to many of my high schools experiences and wish they had never happened (like being de-pants in the hallway at school, my junior year.. in front of a large group of my best "guy" friends... wearing my purple silk underwear.. seriously?).  They thought they were being so funny.. I wanted to kill them. I DO wish that never happened. But at the same time, I remember taking away from that experience that instead of  spending weeks being embarrassed and avoiding everyone.. I remember deciding to just take it like a man or a woman :).. and laugh like everyone else.(of course.. payback is always great too.. and I don't think any of them liked it much when it came their way.. hahah).

But if I think of more recent things in my life that seemed to be a heartbreak or a trial or experience that  was hard.. am I really looking at those experiences for the positive instead of the negative? I remember talking a few weeks ago with someone about my dad's death. Many of you know he died last year and I have told this story before. So sorry if you have already heard it.  

It was a weekend, we all happened to be together, at church blessing my baby brothers son. Five of my dad's 7 children (including me) were there, and 25 of his 27 grand-kids, as well as his wife and some close friends. We were sitting on the pews, shortly after the blessing and sacrament had been passed, I looked over to my dad, who was sitting next to my husband.. and he was having a massive heart attack. He died a few minutes later there in the church.. infront of his children, grandchildren, wife and friends. At the time, it was a horrible experience.. I couldn't image why on earth God would want to put my children and my siblings and I through witnessing such a traumatic event.. but throughout the year.. I have often reflected back and have felt SO BLESSED that actually we were all there. That we were able to spend the last few moments of his life with him.. watching him partake in special ordinances that we consider sacred. He also had been going camping a lot on weekends.. by himself in West Yellowstone.. in random places.. and if he had been alone that weekend.. somewhere in those mountains.. I can't image the heartache and guilt we  would have all felt for not being with him in his last moments of life. So while that was a very traumatic experience.. I can tell you that experiencing it together with my children, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.. it actually  has brought us so much closer together.. the weeks and months that followed were those of true bonding amongst all of us. I thought my family was close before that experience.. but now.. i can't even describe the close bond we all feel. We also feel so blessed that we were there.. and with him at the time.

So that was an experience for me.. that at the time, seemed like a tragic heartbreak.. but reflecting back.. was actually a beautiful one. I can think of other experience over the last few years that at the same time might seem like experiences I want to forget.. but if I truly look at them deeply enough, I can find actually the good in all of them.. the beautiful blessing or lesson that I learned from each one.. that only builds onto my life experiences and builds character and soulful depth. It's not an easy thing to do.. always find the positive.. holy cow.. are you kidding me? Sometimes I think to myself.. really? What is the good in THAT?  but after listening to Hillary's speech last week and watching her final video.. I realized... i really could. I have found many times in the past year that some of my biggest heartbreaks have actually been lessons that I needed to learn. I have said this before.. but there is a huge difference between being empathetic and sympathetic and I have realized that sometimes in order for me to truly be non-judgemental and compasionate to others trials or heartbreaks.. I have had to go through them myself to learn that lesson. I know for me.. it's always a humbling experience. Don't get me wrong, there are mistakes I have made that I wish I could take back.. wish had never happened.. but not so much because of the consequences that happened to me.. but because of the hurt I caused other people. But then again... I supposed it has a beautiful heartbreak for both of us.. a lesson we both learned. I am always sorry for those mistakes.. but I  know I can learn from them too.

Anyhow.. just something I have been thinking about lately.. this summer I experienced a big heartbreak in my life with a dear friend..  and at the time, I just wasn't understanding what or why I was going through that experience.. the heartbreak still hasn't completely healed but the magical thing about it is that through the process, i have opened my heart to other friends..beautuful women and even my husband.. who I never would have.. and have strengthend those friendships more than I could have ever imagined. It was completely un-intentional.. but I can see now, I would have never let my guard down and let those people that close into my life.. if I hadn't absolutely needed it. So while I still am very sad over the experience, I am starting to see the beautiful heartbreak in it. At the end of Hilary's talk.. she played a video for us.. a song that she wrote and sang.. I want to show it to you, because it just brings this message closer to the heart than what I have to say, ever could..  It's a beautiful message.. about beautiful heartbreaks.  Hope you enjoy it.. and hope you can find the positive in those heartbreaks you may be going through too.

oh and ps. I was going to announce the winners of my last blog post for Jeanne's Class I think I will wait until my next blog post this week :) if that's okay :)

Happy Tuesday!

 

Comments

[Free Dating sites]

Hi there, I really like your internet site if I'm honest. Wherever did you will get it built?

[numisirro]

I've always been a loser but I've never realized it until a few years ago. Never was good with people, and until very late in life I thought the only way to make friends and please people was to do and be everything they wanted us to. I shaped my personality on that of those I wanted to be friends with. I wasn't myself. So I was bullied, beaten, mocked, taken advantage of and such.

Then there were the parental units. Work took them away a lot, and the little time we spent together was them saying constantly I behaved like a lunatic and if I didn't behave properly I was to be commited to an institution. What a great thing to say to a child, right? My whole family, though small, started to see me this way. I was the crazy one, the child that never said anything that made sense, the child who always had to be watched lest he break, stole or severely damaged anything. Well, movin' on...

Let's see...School: Check; Parents/Family: Check; Work - Check my other story "damned if you do..."; That leaves married life.

I don't have to tell you about my love life, use your imagination under these circumstances. I met my future wife and eight years later we got married. Best and fastest day of my entire life. I later found out that my marriage isn't a partnership, but a domination. She's the dominating one, I'm the dominated one.

So at this point I really start thinking like that famous Demotivator poster with the picture of a sinking ship that says «It may be that your goal in life is to serve as a warning to others.». I looked around and realized that no one respected me, people saw me as a child of 5 in a 30 year-old body, the lunatic mad prankster who never took anything seriously and never did anything right. I had one last chance to prove myself to the world: to have children of my own, to make others around me see that I too could make something right, something beautiful. Then the Doctor told me I couldn't have children. I was sterile. No chance in Hell.

[Lisa Sackett]

I just found your blog and love it! Your work is amazing. I lost my Dad it he end of Dec'08, just before his bday, just before Christmas. Being a military family we did not live close to home when I got the call of my Dad's massive stroke. I really feel God gave me time time to fly home and say my good-byes, though he remained in a coma to his death. I like to think that he got a glimpse of heaven and didn't want to come back. Thank you for sharing your story, and the song. Since we move a lot we constantly have to find a new church and make new friends, which isn't always easy...but that's also one of the best things about being part of the family of God. I can't begin to imagine how losing your Dad in church must've felt, but isnt it wonderful to know we'll see them again someday-- as opposed to those with no hope. God bless. Lisa

[geisslein]

Such a beautiful post. I´ve tears in my eyes now...Wish you a lovely day - filled with a lot of hugs and kisses from those you love! greetings from germany, geisslein

[Marianne VanWingerden]

What a beautiful, beautiful post Christy! Thank you for sharing what you are learning and being so open and honest. You are one incredable Lady, as always! Love from Marianne

[Jamie]

Oh my goodness, Christy. Home sick in bed. Catching up with a lot of emails. Came across yours that linked to this post and video. It absolutely slayed me this morning as I read and watched. So many 'heartbreaks' going on in our lives. Thank you for helping us to see the beauty in them all. It's been a theme of late. You helped to affirm that again.
~jamie

[Disappointed]

What a beautiful song and message. There is another celeb that preaches the "SHE" message, but does not live by it--has become a stuck-up crafting snob and wouldn't give anyone a leg up if they needed it. Are you like that? HKS is a hypocrite...if you are not like that then maybe I could try your classes...i have avoided anything with the word "she" in it because of this other woman and the way she treats others. People do make mistakes, it's good if we own up to them. Thx 4 sharing the music.

[Diane Noble]

We would have been experiencing our father's deaths at the same time, Christy. I just love your transparency and the depth of personal feeling you share here and in your art. Really...the She Art is a way to turn all that our lives encompass into simple reminders that life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart and this powerful video from Hillary. Deeply touching.

[Becky J]

Dear Christy...thank you for the transparency and honesty of your post...I sobbed through that video and plan to share it with my dearest ones...Just this past summer I had a lifelong friend just walk away(no rhyme or reason) right after my mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma...my heart was shattered, but it pushed me into Jesus' loving arms rather than running to the frail human ones I often turn to...so we keep on loving and only focussing on our Savior...thank you for the blessing of your words..thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Rebecca]

I'm so glad I decided to come read this blog post today! Thank you for writing it! I've had to go through some very negative experience with family members in the last couple of years. They were never supportive or kind to me, but they were family, so I considered them to be important parts of my life. I've had to realize that I have to distance myself from them, which has been very hard, but what's happened is my other relationships have become so much stronger. I've learned who I can truly trust and depend on, and I've developed some amazing relationships. I've also learned to stand up for myself and listen to myself and to trust that I know what's right. I didn't realize all of this until I read your post!

[Christie Travis]

Ironic that this is the third time that the beautiful and burned woman has popped up in my life. I just watched Oprah's life class where they highlighted her story, but I had seen it the first time. Its inspirational (no doubt), but I can tell that God is speaking to me through this story. Thanks for sharing this. I hope the meaning will be clearer to me soon...

[Larissa Heskett]

THANKS SO MUCH for sharing!! I too think that we sometimes forget to see the good that comes from heartache!! I REALLY LOVE this song and I can't wait to check out more of her music!!
Have a FABULOUS WEEK!! =)

[Liz Sawyer]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I have a couple friends going through heartbreak of one form or another so I passed this beautiful song and your stories along...

[sandra de]

What a wonderful and inspiring message.

[Lola]

Unbelievably beautiful and such an awesome way to say that GOD IS LOVE, MERCY, AND GRACE.

[Christine]

wow! Thanks Christy for sharing this video!

[Sarah Lejeune]

TRUTH

[Ann Dunlop]

Thank you for sharing this again Christy. It takes me back to my father's death in 1995 and my mother's death in 2002. I sat with her and held her hand while she died. While it was almost too much for me to handle at the time, I am so grateful that I was the one who was there with her. We never know when a seemingly awful situation will later turn into something more positive, or at least bring with it something to learn.

[marty flowers]

Thank you so much for sharing...I love how real you are ....It is such a gift from God. Her video was beautiful and very needed today...It is always amazing to me that God can take the ashes of our lives and make something beautiful with them....

Incredibly Grateful

[Michelle]

Have a nice day!